MONTHLY SATIRICAL MAGAZINE
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NORTH POLE – Authors of a new book about Rudolph the “red-nosed reindeer” promise to change the way the Christmas icon is remembered.

Investigative reporters Jayleen Kennedy and Mats Rantanan, say Rudolph was actually cocaine addicted, misogynistic, anti-elf reindeer that was spurned and ostracized by his fellow reindeer.

“The myth behind Rudolph is that he was bullied and mocked only to find redemption in Santa but that is definitely not the case,” said Kennedy. “According to our research, the other reindeer hated Rudolph, not because of his nose but because he was an enormous douchebag. He was outwardly abusive to just about everyone and high as shit almost all the time.”

Rudolph passed away from a drug overdose in 1980 and his relatives declined to comment on the book.

The book, Blood Red Nose: the Rudolph the Red Nosed Reindeer Story, hits shelves next week.

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