WASHINGTON, D.C. – President Donald Trump required assistance this week after getting his tongue stuck to a metal pole in the White House rose garden.

LOS ANGELES, CA – A local music blogger has been forced to rewrite his “best of the decade” article after several of his readers responded that they agreed with his list.

WASHINGTON, D.C. – Vice President Mike Pence has been sent to a maintenance shop after aides forgot to plug the Vice President in to a power source before the long holiday vacation.

WASHINGTON, D.C. – President Donald Trump has given cabinet members and White House staff his “Christmas list” in the form of Sears catalogs with a number of circled items.

GLENDALE, AZ – After being visited by three ghosts, local businessman Walter Bandict, has announced that he will no longer offer his employees paid time off and medical benefits.

DALLAS, TX – The Stevenson family Christmas photo was ruined by the presence of an ugly baby.

WASHINGTON, D.C. – President Donald Trump released a statement late last evening indicating that the United States of America will return ownership of Alaska to Russia.

HELL – In an effort to increase its public perception, Hell has begun offering social media influencers incentives for promoting Hell.

LOUISVILLE, KY – Fast food chain KFC has announced plans to release a new beverage cup made from fried chicken.

WASHINGTON, D.C. – In order to get President Donald Trump to meetings on time White House staff have been using cupcakes tied to strings to lure him into the correct room at the correct time.