Local man Glenn Ramirez has made a New Year's Resolution to finish the puzzle he started in 2019.

Local Man Makes New Year's Resolution to Finally Finish Puzzle

HOUSTON, TX – For his New Year’s Resolution, local Man Glenn Ramirez has committed to finishing the jigsaw puzzle he started in 2019.


A new poll conducted by Stanford University has found that 84% of Americans "just can't anymore."

New Poll Finds Majority of Americans Just Can't Anymore

WASHINGTON, D.C. – According to a recent poll, the number of Americans that just can’t anymore is at an all-time high.


Beginning this month, ESPN will offer a new simulcast cast during NFL games featuring a drunk, racist uncle.

ESPN Launches New DRUncle Cast for NFL Games

NEW YORK, NY – Following the success of the “Manning Cast” for NFL games, ESPN will be launching a new live commentary option for professional sporting events featuring drunk, racist uncles.


Some generic actors star in one of the new Hallmark Channel holiday films.

Hallmark Channel Releases Seven New Holiday Movies

LOS ANGELES, CA – The Hallmark Channel has released its upcoming holiday movie schedule which includes several new holiday movies.


Old Man Winter exposes himself to a woman outside of Helsinki.

Odd Weather Has Old Man Winter’s Friends and Family Concerned He May be Using Drugs

WINTERLAND – Old Man Winter’s family and friends are concerned that his recent erratic behavior may be due to cognitive decline or drug abuse.


Santa Claus Will Not Accept Lists Containing Ivermectin

NORTH POLE – Santa Claus has announced that he will no longer accept children’s Christmas lists that contain Ivermectin, hydroxychloroquine, or Z-pack.


China Has Definitely Not Censored This Article About Taiwan

WASHINGTON, D.C. – The Chinese government is definitely not censoring or influencing this article which is about Taiwan.


Former punk band guitarist, Gavin Lewis, wishes he had sold out years ago when given the chance.

Old Punk Guitarist Really Wishes He Sold Out

BALTIMORE, MD – The former guitarist of a punk band has admitted that he wishes he had sold out when given the opportunity years ago.


Senators Joe Manchin and Kyrsten Sinema have proposed taxing Minecraft players instead of billionaires to pay for the infrastructure bill.

Manchin and Sinema Propose Taxing Minecraft Players to Pay for Infrastructure Bill

WASHINGTON, D.C. – Senators Joe Manchin and Kyrsten Sinema have proposed changes to the funding of the infrastructure bill.


New MLB Rule: Yankees Automatically Qualify for Playoffs

NEW YORK, NY – Although the playoffs are still underway, Major League Baseball announced a rule change this week that will ensure the New York Yankees automatically make the playoffs.


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