Published January 2004
Hello kiddies, it is I, your confidant in entertainment, Beth. Oh what a strange and magical journey it has been this past year. I feel in love, fell out of love, got herpes – again, and lost 97 pounds. But most of all I saw movies. Lots of movies and some of them weren’t even porn! I laughed, I cried and that was just during the beginning of “The Rundown.” God that Rock is one hot piece of ass. I can tell you that he can “Rock Bottom” me anytime he wants!
Published December 2016
DENVER, CO – A lifetime of silliness was validated last week when local man Christopher Meens finally appeared on the Jumbotron during a Colorado Avalanche hockey game.
Published June 2003
HOLLYWOOD, CA – Well boys and girls, it’s that time of year again. The time when a young man’s thoughts turn to desire and the beautiful only get beautifuler. Yup, it’s summer, and I for one haven’t been this excited for a season sine the 1990 baseball season when that saucy Lenny Dykstra was playing for the New York Mets. Let me tell you, that summer I watched that little firecracker play while I played my own little baseball game, in my crotch! But enough about my teen years, lets get to the business at hand, and that business is summer trends.
Published February 2003
HOLLYWOOD, CA – Well my faithful readers it’s that time of year again. It’s that special time of year when a young man’s fancy turns to romance, the birds and the bees come out to join in their hedonistic dance and the stars of Hollywood come out, though not literally, to give themselves pats on the back. Yep, you guessed it. It’s Oscar time. And let me tell you, I’m as giddy as a virgin on prom night, which for the record I wasn’t, but that’s a whole other story. This truly is a special time of year. Right after the cocaine like high of the Grammys we barely get down when we get to feel the euphoric heroin high that is Hollywood’s night of nights.
Published August 2014
I’m here today to give you my picks for the best vacation spots here in the good ol’ US of A.
Published June 2000
It happens every year; summer. And we all know what summer brings, right. Well besides the sunburns, heat and unwanted pregnancies, summer is the key time of the year for movies. I, Beth, have vowed to see every movie this summer and with a little strength, I will prevail. While most of the movies set for release this summer look like shit, there are a few that I am totally excited about, and I hope that after reading this, you will all be as excited as I am.
Published September 1999
KISSIMEE, FL- Inspired by the Blair Witch Project, three aspiring filmmakers from Florida have started their own production company, Sting Productions, and produced their own low-budget smash hit, which was filmed entirely on a hand held video camera. Just a little over a year ago, these three blokes had a Sony model camcorder, two 8mm tapes and twenty-five dollars. Now like the Blair Witch boys before them, they are millionaires.
Published May 2000
LAS VEGAS, NV – Mandalay Resort Group released plans and designs this week for a new, extravagant casino along the Las Vegas strip called Jesus Christ!: Hotel and Casino. Modeled after ancient Jerusalem, the hotel and casino’s theme will be that of Jesus’ life, most specifically his death.
Published April 2019
WASHINGTON, D.C. – President Donald Trump has proposed simplifying the United States of America flag to one red, one blue and one red stripe.
“Our flag, I love it, I really do, but it could use a makeover,” said Trump. “I don’t like things that are more than 18-years-old and the flag, it’s up there.”
Published February 2009
HOLLYWOOD, CA – Studio executives have completed a deal that will allow actress Elizabeth Banks to appear in every single film until 2010. Banks currently stars in only 60% of feature films released in the U.S.