Group Wants Parents to Stop Encouraging Kids

MOBILE, AL – In an effort to ensure kids grow up to become successful and that comedy remains funny, parents have been asked to stop telling their children that they are funny.

During a conference aimed at reducing the amount of unfunny and unsuccessful teenagers, the American Society for Child Development, the Comedy Writers Guild of America and the American Association of Psychologists agreed children should not be told they are funny by their parents.


Office Conversation Gets Too Personal For Coworker

RICHMOND, VA – During a conversation held near the coffee maker, Joan Diaz’s coworker Melissa Krawski revealed that she had once engaged in a three-way sexual encounter with a midget and a pre-operation transsexual. Diaz reportedly tried to steer the conversation away from talk of the threesome but the attempt proved futile.


Family Members Secretly Happy "Creepy" Uncle Is Dead

LOS GATOS, CA – While most Americans were celebrating the holiday season with their friends and family, the Castero family of Los Gatos were secretly thankful that one family member had passed away.


Local Man Struggling to Explain Why Vinyl Records are Better Than Digital Music

OMAHA, NB – A local man has spent the last several hours trying, with limited success, to explain to his friend why listening to music on a vinyl record is better than streaming online.


Recent Report Says Rich People Hate Poor People

WASHINGTON, D.C. – A recent economic study conducted by the Census Bureau has concluded that wealthy Americans actually hate poor Americans.


Employees Confused Over Office White Board Message

ENGLEWOOD, CO – Employees of NetStarr were alarmed and concerned last Friday by what they discovered scrolled across a white board in an office meeting room. The contents of the board were immediately speculated to contain information relative to the future of both the company and the employees.


Local Man Transitions From Emo To Indie

CHANDLER, AZ – After spending the last five years as an avid emo fan, local music lover Jarred Samson, 22-years-old, has completed his crossover to an indie fan.


Anderson Cooper 360 Host, Panelists Stuck in Infinite Loop

WASHINGTON, D.C. – Panelists and the host of Anderson Cooper 360 on CNN are stuck in an infinite loop as show producers scramble to get the program back on track.


80's Commercial Star The Noid Headed For Rehab - Again

BILLINGS, MT – For the third time in six years, the Domino’s Noid is entering a drug and alcohol rehabilitation facility. This latest attempt at sobriety comes as a court order from last year’s cocaine induced altercation with Montana police.


Anti-iPhone Sentiment Prematurely Ends Relationship

SAN FRANCISCO, CA – The budding romantic relationship between Eddie Freirs and Rebecca Staller ended abruptly last week after Staller revealed her feelings about the iPhone.


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