Published July 2019
WASHINGTON, D.C. – After several months of working on the same Sudoku puzzle, President Trump stated that he is close to finishing the two-by-two puzzle.
Published October 2017
WASHINGTON, D.C. – White House staffers were both surprised and shocked earlier this week when Trump managed to staple his tie to his desk for the 63rd consecutive day.
Published January 2019
WASHINGTON, D.C. – According to reports, White House staff has removed all clocks that mark the turn of the hour with a sound from White House grounds because President Donald Trump gets confused by the sound, asks “who’s there?”, and remains motionless until someone responds.
Published September 2014
PASADENA, CA – Local mother, Jane Herbst, is refusing to get a flu shot because she read an internet blog post recently that may or may not have said there was a connection between autism and flu shots.
Published September 2019
WASHINGTON, D.C. – President Donald Trump has had his hand stuck in a candy jar for over two days but he is refusing help and refusing to acknowledge that his hand is stuck.
Published December 2006
OMAHA, NE – Sitting in his cubicle, Desktop Information Technology employee Garret Cutler dreams of, and is preparing for, the day when he will be called upon to save the world with his batch file writing skills.
Published October 2018
WASHINGTON, D.C. – President Trump has spent the last several weeks planning a trick-or-treat route to ensure he gets “only the best” candy on Halloween.
“Trump has made it clear that his number one priority right now is putting together a trick-or-treat route that will ensure he gets good candy, like full candy bars or really expensive candy,” said White House Press Secretary, Sarah Huckabee Sanders.
Published January 2018
WASHINGTON, D.C. – President Donald Trump has been standing at the bottom of a staircase in the White House waiting for the stairs to start moving thinking the staircase is an escalator.
“Right now we can confirm that the President is standing at the bottom of a staircase in the east wing of the White House waiting for the staircase to turn in to an escalator and carry him to the second floor,” said White House Fellow, Ken Destrost.
Published November 2019
WASHINGTON, D.C. – President Donald Trump released a statement late last evening indicating that the United States of America will return ownership of Alaska to Russia.
Published August 2020
WASHINGTON, D.C. – In order to persuade President Trump to wear a mask, White House officials told the president his masks are made from used underwear previously worn by porn stars.