Published June 1999
MARTINVILLE, UT – It was a shocking move that racked the once quiet city of Martinville. A decision ending one career and beginning another.
Published January 2000
MESA, AZ – Jason Odenbaum’s phenomenal performance at the 1999 Special Olympics, was tarnished this week as controversy surrounded his abilities and performance. The families of several other competitors in the competition have come forward to form an inquiry into Odenbaum’s gold medals.
Published September 2014
CANTON, OH – Several former NFL stars gathered during a press conference earlier this week to announce a new lawsuit against the NFL “because… um… the concussions… and…”
“Players in the NFL face a very real threat to their health due to the NFL’s policies and practices regarding player safety,” said former Dallas Cowboys star running back, Emmitt Smith. “Players who take numerous… um… hits… and… uh… yeah. We… um.”
Published December 2000
MONTPELIER, VT – Alex Rodriguez, all-star shortstop and who recently signed a lucrative $252 million contract with the Texas Rangers, has agreed to purchase the state of Vermont for approximately $75 million in cash and 11 autographed baseballs.
Published December 2000
HIGHLANDS RANCH, CO – For the fifth year in a row, Jim and Rhonda Barber compiled a list of New Year’s Resolutions which, despite the couple’s best efforts, will most likely not be kept. The ritual, performed December 31, has been carried out by the couple every year since their marriage in 1993 and no resolutions have ever lasted the entire year.
Published April 2012
FREDERICK, MD – Last month Treddle signed up for Twitter with the username FuckRogers6969696 and came to regret the decision almost immediately.
Published July 2015
BISMARCK, ND – After months of debating, soul searching and consulting with family members, local man Dean Weebers has decided to pull his wife, who is in a Pinterest coma, of life support.
Published December 2007
SAN BERNIDINO, CA – The star of a popular viral video says that while he is happy with his recent success as an internet star, he would really like to turn his attention to directing.
Published April 2007
OMAHA, NE – Local father Steve Holt has taken drastic measures to reconnect with his high school son, Brenden, by listening to and trying to appreciate the band My Chemical Romance.
Published July 2012
TULSA, OK – In preparation for the 2016 Olympics, local Walt Brerger has declared that he will be moving to Greenland to complete for the country in the beach volleyball event.