Published September 2019
WASHINGTON, D.C. – President Donald Trump has had his hand stuck in a candy jar for over two days but he is refusing help and refusing to acknowledge that his hand is stuck.
Published May 2007
ALLENTOWN, PA – Shortly after checking a website his friends suggested, local man, Ryan “Big Red” Centorelli, realized he is a douche bag.
Published July 2014
PORTLAND, OR – Writers for the popular website The Scoop News are in the process of writing a very self-congratulatory story to celebrate the paper’s 15th anniversary.
Published January 2000
COLORADO SPRINGS, CO – In a year marked by the deaths of sports legends Joe Dimaggio, Wilt Chamberlain, and Walter Payton, the most recent professional athlete to pass away is Former New York Yankee outfielder Leslie ‘Shep’ Shepardson, 64, at a strip club outside of Colorado Springs, Co.
Published April 2014
MENLO PARK, CA – Just a few short weeks after expanding the test field for its highly anticipated GoogleGlass, Google released details of its next big innovation – the upcoming cock ring including details, price and sale date.
Published January 2001
WASHINGTON, DC – Facing the first national crisis under the guidance of newly elected President George W. Bush, Congress has called an emergency session to decide whether or not the United States sweater vest reserves should be tapped in an attempt to curb skyrocketing costs.
Published February 2000
DETROIT, MI – A simple gift nearly turned into disaster last week, but a little boy’s future remained safe after a selfless and harrowing act from his father. The “gift” given to 3-year-old Travis Williams, almost certainly would have destroyed his future well being and his relationship with his parents had his father, Kent Williams, not acted in time.
Published March 2010
WELLINGTON, VA – Local man Jefferson Porter rewarded his eight-year-old son with ice cream despite the fact that his son did not deserve any such reward.
Published October 2004
SURPRISE, AZ – Every year at this time a fascinating phenomena occurs and this year scientists from the National Old Person Research Center are poised to get a closer look then they ever have before. As the northern parts of the U.S. cool down, old Americans migrate south in an effort to escape the cold. This migration is commonly referred to as flight of the snowbirds.
Published August 2014
I’m here today to give you my picks for the best vacation spots here in the good ol’ US of A.