New police uniforms approved by the National Police Union will be white robes and include a new masked, pointed helmet.

National Police Union Unveils New White Robe Uniforms for Police Officers

WASHINGTON, D.C. –The National Police Union has approved new white, robe-like police uniforms that will demonstrate a “commitment to peace and harmony”.


Trump has started wearing masks that his staff told him are made from porn star’s used underwear.

Trump Wears Mask after Staff Insist It’s Made from Porn Star’s Used Underwear

WASHINGTON, D.C. – In order to persuade President Trump to wear a mask, White House officials told the president his masks are made from used underwear previously worn by porn stars.


Nike Releases New Air Pump Face Mask

PORTLAND, OR – As several states now require people to wear masks to slow the spread of COVID-19, Nike is set to release a new Nike Air Face Mask that will utilize air pump technology to contour the mask to the wearer’s face.


White House Intern, Jordan Fisher will take over as head of the CDC later this month.

Trump Names Intern Who Helped Remove Computer Virus Head of CDC

WASHINGTON, D.C. – President Trump has installed a new head of his COVID task force – a White House Intern that helped remove a computer virus from the President’s laptop.


Prospective home buys are looking for homes with offices instead of sex dungeons.

Home Owners Opting for Home Offices Instead of Home Sex Dungeons

SEATTLE, WA – A new report from Zillow states that “home office” has replaced “sex dungeon” as the number one search phrase entered by users looking for a new home.


God Releases Statement about Coronavirus


None of the attendees have admitting to generating the fart heard during a recent video conference.

Attendees Deny Farting During Video Conference

RICHMOND, VA – None of the attendees on the weekly Dorchester International sales call have accepted responsibility for the audible fart heard during last week’s video conference call.


Trump has been seen pressing his mouth and tongue to the White House windows on several occasions.

White House Staffer Fired for Telling Trump to Stop Licking Window

WASHINGTON, D.C. – A White House staffer has been fired for suggesting President Donald Trump stop licking and “doing blowfishes” on the White House windows.


The new buBBle from DuPont will allow people to go out in public with protection from COVID-19 and other viruses.

New Virus Protection buBBle Coming to Stores

WILMINGTON, DE – As the coronavirus pandemic continues, DuPont is releasing a new line of personal protective equipment called buBBle which the company says is intended for every day, home, personal use.


Local Woman Redecorates Room Before Video Call

LAKEWOOD, CO – Local woman, Jenny McDavid, has spent the last four hours rearranging her office to ensure attendees on a video conference think McDavid has her shit together.


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