Published April 2017
PORTLAND, OR – The much anticipated and celebrated 700th story published by online satirical magazine The Scoop News, failed to make any positive impressions and left readers across the world concerned about the future of the newspaper.
Published July 2015
ATLANTA, GA – Just days after a mass shooting in a Louisiana movie theater, anti-gun advocates and the NRA faced off in another round of debates about gun control.
Published October 2002
LOS ANGELES, CA – Shortly after game seven of the 2002 World Series ended, Jesus Christ made it official; he hates the San Francisco Giants. Despite prayers and sacrifices by both players and fans, Christ punished the Giants and was the cause of their failure to beat cross state rivals the Anaheim Angles.
Published December 2004
FLAGSTAFF, AZ – In an effort to assist a co-worker his sex life, secretary Jenny Hill offered relationship advice, despite the fact that she was not consulted. The advice, which included tips on how to “get her into the sack as soon as possible,” was initially ignored by the co-worker, forcing Hill to be more aggressive in her efforts to help.
Published March 2000
DENTON, SD – During a recent paleontological dig in the Bad Lands of South Dakota, scientists have uncovered remnants of some of our earliest known ancestors. This new find uncovered tools ancient, savage creatures used and what appears to be a complete set of pre-historic clothing.
Published August 2015
SEATTLE, WA – White women across the country are in a state of panic as Starbucks has announced they will be discontinuing the popular Pumpkin Spice Latte, just weeks before the drink was to go on sale.
Published January 2014
BOSTON, MA – The single scientist who does not agree with the theory of global warming has admitted the only reason for his dissenting opinion is because he is mad at someone.
Published August 2002
WASHINGTON D.C. – After month’s of bitter arguing and failed attempts at rebuilding their relationship, President Bush and Iraq President Saddam Hussein have agreed to attend couples counseling. Both plan on retreating to Camp David with world-renowned therapist Kelli Steinberg later this month.
Published January 2008
WATSONS GLENN, VA – A Valentine’s Day gift given to Jessica Berg by her boyfriend Adam Benjamin has forced Berg to reevaluate the couple’s relationship. The gift, edible panties, is regarded by Berg as “fuckin’ bullshit.”
Published September 2018
CUPERTINO, CA – Apple has pulled its new Measure app from iPhones and iPads after thousands of men complain the app does not accurately measure the length of their penises.