Survey: Truck Owners With Big Lift Likely To Have Small Penis

HOUSTON, TX – A recent survey by Car & Truck magazine concluded that there exists an indirect relation between the lift in a truck and the size of the owner’s penis – meaning that as the size of the lift increases, the penis size decreases. Although the relationship had been previously speculated by much of the American population, the survey marks the first documented evidence of the correlation.


Statue of Liberty's Flame to be Replaced

NEW YORK, NY – In a radical move to show the world that Americans will stand defiantly in the face of terrorism, plans were unveiled this month to change the Statue of Liberty to a more “aggressive and purely American” stance. The proposed change, among others, will remove the torch from the statues hand, replacing it with a handgun.


Dad Saves Son From Barbie, Gayness

DETROIT, MI – A simple gift nearly turned into disaster last week, but a little boy’s future remained safe after a selfless and harrowing act from his father. The “gift” given to 3-year-old Travis Williams, almost certainly would have destroyed his future well being and his relationship with his parents had his father, Kent Williams, not acted in time.


Budweiser To Sponsor Local Man's Liver Disease

ST. LOUIS, MO – Budweiser Brewing Company has signed a contract that could revolutionize the marketing and promotion or alcoholic beverages. The deal, which will see Budweiser sponsoring a local man’s liver disease, is said to be worth in the neighborhood of $2.3 million.


Local Filmmaker Upset with Low Number of YouTube Views

JEFFERSON PARISH, LA – A local filmmaker is growing more frustrated as people continue to ignore his film which he posted on the YouTube over a month ago.


Experts Offer Ten Ideas for the Perfect Valentine’s Day

DALLAS, TX – The Valentine’s Day holiday can cause panic and anxiety for those looking for something original, exciting and romantic to do with their loved one.


Man Decides To Get Serious About "Chicks"

BOSTON, MA – After years of playing games and “messing around,” Gary Stipple has decided to get serious about relationships with members of the opposite sex. The decision was said to be a long and arduous one, with Stipple only coming to his decision after a long talk with his mother.


Experts Think North Korean People Might Be Sad or Happy

WASHINGTON, DC – Despite knowing very little about North Korea, foreign policy experts think that the people of North Korea are probably sad at the passing of Kim Jong-il.


Networks Unveil New Shows for Fall Television Season

HOLLYWOOD, CA – Over the last several weeks television networks have started rolling out their Fall schedule.


Police Officers Agree to Shoot More White People

MEMPHIS, TN – As tensions between police officers and civilians rise across the country, the National Association of Police Organizations (NAPO) is recommending that police officers begin shooting more white people.

“A lot of the tension is racially based, with the perception that police officers shoot minorities more often than white people,” said NAPO spokesman Eddie O’Reilly.


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