HOLLYWOOD, CA – A famous actor has dumped his slightly less famous actress girlfriend ending a romance that started on the set of some film that the couple appeared in together.

SAN FRANCISCO, CA- It was a classic example of being in the right place at the right time and now a local aspiring actor has finally landed himself in the big time.

HOLLYWOOD, CA – In a deal reportedly worth more than 20 million, both of Lindsay Lohan’s breasts have been signed to star in a big screen adaptation of the TV show “Cagney and Lacey.”

VATICAN CITY – Word was released late last month, shortly after the selection of Joseph Ratzinger as the 265th Pope, that many other, non-Cardinals, were nominated by church officials to take on the role of Pope. Of these outside sources, actor Will Smith was a rumored favorite.

NASHVILLE, TN – The appearance of a black man in a television commercial frightened white viewers and resulted in more than 270 calls to police.

LOUISVILLE, KY – Addressing reporters and hundreds of fans, beloved cartoon actor and chicken rights spokescock Foghorn Leghorn announced today that he had contracted the deadly Avian Flu virus.

CHICAGO, IL – A malpractice and wrongful death lawsuit was filed this week against the medical-drama TV show “E.R.” The lawsuit charges that the show’s doctors and nurses could have done more to prevent the death of actor Jessica Easly’s character.

WASHINGTON, DC – Riding both the highs and lows of landing two separate spacecraft on the surface of Mars, NASA announced this week that a manned expedition to the red planet will begin preparations later this year for lift off in 2006. To increase visibility and public support, several celebrities have been chosen to man the first mission to Mars.

HOLLYWOOD, CA – Studio executives from Warner Brothers Studios have announced they will adopt a new affirmative action policy on all projects in the future and those currently in production.

HOLLYWOOD, CA – Just a week after the broadcast of the 73rd Academy Awards, the Academy of Motion Picture Arts & Sciences has announced big changes for next year’s Oscars ceremony. In an effort to appeal to a younger, hipper crowd, the Academy’s governing board has decided to give not only the Oscar Award itself a makeover, but also drastically change the format of the show and the categories.