Father Unwilling to Accept Son is Terrible at Sports

DALLAS, TX – Local father John Mansinni is slowly coming to terms with the fact that his son, John Jr, is a terrible athlete.


Dress Code Forces Man to Dress like an Adult

KANSAS CITY, KS – A newly implemented dress code has forced local developer Curt Dressop to dress like an adult.


Cleveland Indians Change Mascot to Man from India

CLEVELAND, OH – Responding to political pressure, the Cleveland Indians baseball team has changed its mascot from a Native American to a man from India.


28 Things We Learned from Last Month’s State of the Union

WASHINGTON, DC – During the State of the Union address last month President Obama made a number of statements reflecting on the past year and made a number of promises looking ahead.


Yankees Promise Jeter Will be Sent to Farm Upstate

NEW YORK, NY – New York Yankees’ fans have been promised that retiring shortstop Derek Jeter will be taken upstate to live out the rest of his years on a farm.


Next Year’s Top Five U.S. Vacation Spots

I’m here today to give you my picks for the best vacation spots here in the good ol’ US of A.


White Man Doesn’t Understand Why Minorities Dislike Police

SALT LAKE CITY, UT – Local Finance Manager Johnathan Nichols says he doesn’t understand why it seems so many minorities are untrusting of police officers.


Local Man Says He “Totally Won’t Watch Pro Sports”

FARGO, ND – After becoming frustrated with the recent NHL lockout, local man Garry Broderick has told his friends and family that he has “given up on those assholes” associated with professional sports.


Local Man Already Regretting His Twitter Username

FREDERICK, MD – Last month Treddle signed up for Twitter with the username FuckRogers6969696 and came to regret the decision almost immediately.


Zombie Unicorns Attack Fans At Minor League Game

ASHLAND, KY – Three weeks ago fans and professional baseball players were attacked by a herd of Zombie Unicorns as a publicity stunt went horribly wrong.


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