Arbys Create Cow With Bar-Be-Que Sauce Instead Of Blood

FORT LAUDERDALE, FL – After years of research, food developers for the Arby’s chain of restaurants have announced they have made a major breakthrough in genetic research that will save the company millions of dollars and at the same time provide a higher quality of sandwich.


Former Metal Guitarist Struggling to Update Linkdin Profile

MIDDLETOWN, NJ – Former heavy metal guitarist, Ken “Blood Face” Giacomo, has been updating his Linkdin profile for several days but has been struggling to include his experience as a musician.


China Thinking About Taking Over The World

BEIJING, CHINA – After several years of working through scenarios, China says it is strongly considering taking over the world in the next five to 10 years.
“We rook at evy-ting and we rearize tat (China) have evy-ting we need to take over word,” said Ma Zhaoxu, a spokesman for China’s Ministry of Foreign Affairs. “So maybe (China) just do it. Maybe we just take over word. Who stop us? America can not stop us now.”


Cirque Du Soleil Unveils New GG Allin Inspired Show

LOS ANGELES, CA – Cirque Du Soleil will be debuting a new show based on the life and music of GG Allin this month. The new show, Cirque Du Soleil: Eat My Fuc, is named after one of Allin’s earliest releases.


KFC Geneticists Developing All-Skin Chicken

LOUISVILLE, KY – A Public Relations spokesman for KFC confirmed rumors that company scientists are working to genetically engineer an all-skin chicken for the fast food chain.


New Book Reveals "Real" Rudolph the Reindeer

NORTH POLE – Authors of a new book about Rudolph the “red-nosed reindeer” promise to change the way the Christmas icon is remembered.


Decorating For Christmas: Tips from the Professionals

NEW YORK, NY – Decorating for the holidays has become competitive in many neighborhoods across the country regardless of one’s religion.


Retailers Release List of Season’s Top Toys

NEW YORK CITY, NY – As the holiday season approaches, several top toy retailers have released a combined list of this year’s top, must-have toys to help parents ensure their children get everything they should want and that the children will be popular amongst other children.

“This list is something (retailers) do every year as a service to parents,” said Toys R Us spokeswoman Carol Hall.


Vampire Community Calls for Boycott of Twilight Films

HOLLYWOOD, CA – Vampire Americans, upset with the way vampires have been portrayed in the media, are calling for a boycott of all vampire movies, books and TV shows released now and in the future as well as anything released in the last five years.


Rocky Mountain Chocolate Factory Spokesbear Diagnosed with Diabetes

DURANGO, CO – The Rocky Mountain Chocolate Factory spokesbear, Truffles, has announced that she has been diagnosed with diabetes due to a decades-long diet comprised almost exclusively of chocolate.


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