Report: Mexico Violence at Lethal Weapon 3 Levels

TUCSON, AZ – According to a recent report released by the White House, the violence in Mexico border towns has reached “Lethal Weapon 3” levels – the highest level of violence seen in Mexico since 1972.


Barack Obama Already Making Drastic Changes To America

WASHINGTON, D.C. – Promising change, Barack Obama won the presidency last year, and taking office this month, Obama has already issued several major changes to the United States which have many Caucasian-Americans concerned.


Russian Troops Posted Outside Boys Bedroom

COLUMBUS, OH – According to reports released by the U.S. State Department, Russian military forces are now poised just outside a local boy’s bedroom in what appears to be preparations for an invasion.

“We cannot confirm how many forces have been staged outside of Timmy Couch’s bedroom, but we can say that the amount appears to be a lot,” said Secretary of State, John Kerry.


Bush Tours to Promote New Immigration Reform Proposal

WASHINGTON, DC – After hundreds of thousands have protested recent proposals for overhauling the immigration system, President Bush will be touring the nation in support of a new proposal for both protecting United States borders and ensuring the availability of cheap labor.


Easter Bunny Arrested For Drug Trafficking During Sting

FORT HANCOCK, TX – The Easter Bunny has been arrested and charged with drug trafficking after the conclusion of a three-year long sting operation conducted by a joint task force of Drug Enforcement Agency officials and Immigration and Naturalization Service officers.


Trump Scheduling Diplomatic Talks with Modor

WASHINGTON, DC – During a joint press conference with the President of Argentina, Mauricio Macri, President Trump said he would like to open negotiations with the fictional country of Mordor.

Although Mordor is a fictional land from the popular book series Lord of the Rings, Trump said that he would be reaching out to the country’s leader to set up some “face-to-face time.”


Alex Rodriguez Buys Vermont

MONTPELIER, VT – Alex Rodriguez, all-star shortstop and who recently signed a lucrative $252 million contract with the Texas Rangers, has agreed to purchase the state of Vermont for approximately $75 million in cash and 11 autographed baseballs.


Trump Gets Hand Stuck in Candy Jar

WASHINGTON, D.C. – President Donald Trump has had his hand stuck in a candy jar for over two days but he is refusing help and refusing to acknowledge that his hand is stuck.


Scotland, Ireland To Combine Into Single Country

DUBLIN, IRELAND – In a surprise announcement made last week in Dublin, the leaders of both Scotland and Ireland said the two countries would be uniting under a single ruler within the next two months. Mary McAleese, President of Ireland said the decision to combine the two countries was “an easy one to make and one that just made sense.”


George W. Bush's Immigration Plan Beginning to Pay Off

PHOENIX, AZ – While it’s been several months since former President Bush left office, his administration’s immigration plan is starting to come together as Mexican nationals are leaving to return to Mexico.


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