Published July 2011
LEESBURG, VA – A local homeless man says that he has developed a plan for balancing the budget and addressing all of The United States of America’s current financial concerns.
Published September 2003
ARVADA, CO – Taking a cue from the state of California, the students at Oberon Junior High in Arvada have voted to recall Student Council President Eric Williams. The recall election, to be held on October 31, will be the first of its kind at the school.
Published May 2003
SNOWFLAKE, AZ – After seven months of intense preparation and careful planning, Daniel Short-Tree, a member of the White Mountain Apache Indian Tribe in Arizona, has filled a lawsuit against the country of England. The suit, witch seeks $2,000,000,000 in punitive damages, accuses England of inflicting undue hardship and emotional distress upon Short-Tree and his family. Among the causes of Short-Tree’s alleged distress is England’s persecution of the Puritans, causing the religious group to immigrate to the Americas “thus beginning the end to Short-Tree’s family claim on the land.”
Published September 1999
KISSIMEE, FL- Inspired by the Blair Witch Project, three aspiring filmmakers from Florida have started their own production company, Sting Productions, and produced their own low-budget smash hit, which was filmed entirely on a hand held video camera. Just a little over a year ago, these three blokes had a Sony model camcorder, two 8mm tapes and twenty-five dollars. Now like the Blair Witch boys before them, they are millionaires.
Published January 2008
WASHINGTON, DC – With no clear front-runner for the Republican Presidential candidate, several GOP members have called a back-up plan into action and have reanimated former President Ronald Reagan.
Published April 2012
COLUMBUS, OH – Faced with a budget shortfall and a refusal to raise taxes, the Ohio state government voted to sell the state to Google.
With the shortfall estimated at more than three billion, the Ohio state government was faced with limited options to reduce the deficit.
“We thought about everything, except raising taxes,” said president of the Ohio Senate, Tom Niehaus.
Published September 2012
HOLLYWOOD, CA – With Fall settling over North America, television networks have begun rolling out their Fall lineups, offering new shows and reboots of past shows.
Published June 2000
It happens every year; summer. And we all know what summer brings, right. Well besides the sunburns, heat and unwanted pregnancies, summer is the key time of the year for movies. I, Beth, have vowed to see every movie this summer and with a little strength, I will prevail. While most of the movies set for release this summer look like shit, there are a few that I am totally excited about, and I hope that after reading this, you will all be as excited as I am.
Published September 2013
HOLLYWOOD, CA – Over the last several weeks television networks have started rolling out their Fall schedule.
Published January 2019
WASHINGTON, D.C. – If ratings don’t improve network executives say they may be forced to cancel The Donald Trump Presidency.