Universal Fights Back

ANAHEIM, CA – In response to the “call to boycott” and other allegations made recently by Rabbi Jacob Silverman of Universal Studios’ new attraction “Mr. Schindler’s Wild Ride,” Seagrams CEO Edgar Bronfman, Jr. released the following statement, this past Tuesday:


Bush, Gore Team with WWF

STAMFORD, CT – For the first time in United States history, Presidential candidates will not only square off in a series of televised debates but also in the wrestling ring.


Hell Enlists Marketing Firm To Update Image

HELL – In an attempt to improve its image and promote a happier atmosphere, Hell has hired a new marketing firm and image consultant. Blake, Stein and Wills Marketing will take over all public relations and advertising for the underworld getaway in an effort to “bring back the luster and mystique that Hades deserves.”


Sexual Lubricant Named New San Francisco Treat

SAN FRANCISCO, CA – After an intensive three months of research, which included many official polls and population consumption rate statistics, the citizens of San Francisco were overjoyed to hear that the real San Francisco treat was Anal-Ease lubricant and not Rice-A-Roni as had been commonly believed.


Employees Confused Over Office White Board Message

ENGLEWOOD, CO – Employees of NetStarr were alarmed and concerned last Friday by what they discovered scrolled across a white board in an office meeting room. The contents of the board were immediately speculated to contain information relative to the future of both the company and the employees.


U.S. Econmic Crisis 2005: Rich Can't Afford Third House

NEW YORK, NY – The current economic crisis has hit one group of Americans particularly hard as the richest one percent of the country can now barely afford a third or fourth house.


New iPods and Accessories Hitting Stores This Summer

SEATTLE, WA – Hoping to continue with the success of the iPod line, Apple will unveil new iPod designs, features and accessories this summer to bolster the product line.


No Longer a Dog, Pluto Assigned New Classification

ANAHEIM, CA – After a gathering of Disney Corporation senior Imagineers, it was announced that the cartoon character of Pluto the dog will be reclassified. The change will move Pluto from the classification of “canine” to a new species tentatively called “Dogturd.”


Starbucks To Open New Starbuck Inside Starbucks

SEATTLE, WA – Due to a lack of quality retail space in several of America’s larger markets, Starbucks will begin a new expansion strategy that will open new Starbucks coffee shops inside existing Starbucks. The new Starbucks stores will be smaller than existing ones but will offer a full menu.


Expedia.com To Offer New Drug, Hooker Vacations

BELLEVUE, WA – In an effort to become the number one discount travel website, Expedia.com has announced new features that the company hopes will draw more business.


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