Published October 1999
ANAHEIM, CA – In response to the “call to boycott” and other allegations made recently by Rabbi Jacob Silverman of Universal Studios’ new attraction “Mr. Schindler’s Wild Ride,” Seagrams CEO Edgar Bronfman, Jr. released the following statement, this past Tuesday:
Published August 2000
STAMFORD, CT – For the first time in United States history, Presidential candidates will not only square off in a series of televised debates but also in the wrestling ring.
Published July 2002
HELL – In an attempt to improve its image and promote a happier atmosphere, Hell has hired a new marketing firm and image consultant. Blake, Stein and Wills Marketing will take over all public relations and advertising for the underworld getaway in an effort to “bring back the luster and mystique that Hades deserves.”
Published September 2003
SAN FRANCISCO, CA – After an intensive three months of research, which included many official polls and population consumption rate statistics, the citizens of San Francisco were overjoyed to hear that the real San Francisco treat was Anal-Ease lubricant and not Rice-A-Roni as had been commonly believed.
Published June 2004
ENGLEWOOD, CO – Employees of NetStarr were alarmed and concerned last Friday by what they discovered scrolled across a white board in an office meeting room. The contents of the board were immediately speculated to contain information relative to the future of both the company and the employees.
Published September 2005
NEW YORK, NY – The current economic crisis has hit one group of Americans particularly hard as the richest one percent of the country can now barely afford a third or fourth house.
Published April 2006
SEATTLE, WA – Hoping to continue with the success of the iPod line, Apple will unveil new iPod designs, features and accessories this summer to bolster the product line.
Published August 2006
ANAHEIM, CA – After a gathering of Disney Corporation senior Imagineers, it was announced that the cartoon character of Pluto the dog will be reclassified. The change will move Pluto from the classification of “canine” to a new species tentatively called “Dogturd.”
Published August 2007
SEATTLE, WA – Due to a lack of quality retail space in several of America’s larger markets, Starbucks will begin a new expansion strategy that will open new Starbucks coffee shops inside existing Starbucks. The new Starbucks stores will be smaller than existing ones but will offer a full menu.
Published September 2007
BELLEVUE, WA – In an effort to become the number one discount travel website, Expedia.com has announced new features that the company hopes will draw more business.