Fox News television personality Tucker Carlson told his viewers to drink bull semen to increase their testosterone.

Tucker Carlson Suggests Drinking Bull Semen to Increase Testosterone

NEW YORK, NY – To combat falling testosterone levels in American, white males, Fox News personality Tucker Carlson recommends drinking bull semen.


Lifting mask mandates has made it difficult for people to identify jerks.

Lifting Mask Mandates Makes It Difficult to Identify Jerks

DENVER, CO – As mask mandates across the country are lifted, many Americans are finding it more difficult to identify jerks.


God said he will no longer leave his children in charge when he takes a vacation.

God Apologizes for Leaving His Kids in Charge Last Seven Years

HEAVEN – After returning from vacation and seeing the state of Earth, God has promised to never again put his kids in charge while he is away.


Local Man Reveals He Is A Russian Foreign Policy Expert

BOULDER, CO – Local man, Matt Crellio, has revealed to coworkers that in addition to being an expert in virology he is also an expert in foreign policy with specific focus on Russia.


Country singer Glenn Coventry's album sales are not meeting expectations.

Country Singer Considering Using N-word to Boost Album Sales

NASHVILLE, TN – Country singer Glenn Coventry is considering posting a video of himself using the N-word to boost record sales for his new album.


A new poll conducted by Stanford University has found that 84% of Americans "just can't anymore."

New Poll Finds Majority of Americans Just Can't Anymore

WASHINGTON, D.C. – According to a recent poll, the number of Americans that just can’t anymore is at an all-time high.


Santa Claus Will Not Accept Lists Containing Ivermectin

NORTH POLE – Santa Claus has announced that he will no longer accept children’s Christmas lists that contain Ivermectin, hydroxychloroquine, or Z-pack.


Facebook U will offer Facebook users the chance to obtain degrees in "research," "whataboutism," and "Foreign Policy."

Facebook Launches Degree Program to Validate Facebook Users’ Posts, Comments

SAN FRANCISCO, CA – Beginning next month, Facebook will begin offering degree and postgraduate degree programs to Facebook users.


Former member of The Watchmen, Adrian Veidt, also known as Ozymandias, says he created and released the COVID-19 virus in order to unite humanity against a single threat.

Adrian Veidt Admits Plan to Unify Humanity by Releasing COVID-19 has Failed

NEW YORK, NY – Former superhero and the smartest man in the world, Adrian Veidt, also known as Ozymandias, admitted to engineering and releasing the COVID-19 virus in an effort to bring the people of earth together.


Winston (above) and Joshua Castellino have not been invited to a party or family event in over a year.

Local Ventriloquist No Longer Invited to Parties

LAKEWOOD, CO – Local ventriloquist, Joshua Castellino, is no longer invited to parties due to refusal to leave his dummy, Winston, at home.


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