Published March 2002
VATICAN CITY, ROME – Vatican officials announced Thursday that the Catholic Church would now recognize “free days” included in the observation of Lent. A “free day” is defined by the Catholic Church as a single designated day where the rules and beliefs behind Lent are put aside allowing Catholics to take a break from their lent sacrifice.
Published December 2002
STERLING, VA – During a closed meeting in Vatican City last week it was decided that the Catholic Church, which has recently been facing both monetary and moral trouble, will be sold in full to the worldwide fast food chain McDonald’s. Both the Pope and Edgar Steves, McDonald’s spokesman were pleased with the new venture and expressed optimism for the sweeping changes to both the religious and fast food worlds that this merger will bring forth.
Published March 2013
VATICAN CITY – Now that a new Pope, Francis I, has taken his place as the head of the Catholic Church, details are beginning to leak as to just how the new Pope was elected.
Published April 2005
VATICAN CITY – Word was released late last month, shortly after the selection of Joseph Ratzinger as the 265th Pope, that many other, non-Cardinals, were nominated by church officials to take on the role of Pope. Of these outside sources, actor Will Smith was a rumored favorite.
Published August 1999
SCANTON, NC – Religious tensions between Catholic and Baptist organizations have ignited into an all out war this week as a struggle for boycotting rights consumes this nation. At the heart of this strife is a single company so despised, so hated, so not good that the simple mention of its name brings some to outrage, others to kill. That harbinger of doom and despair is Disney.
Published August 2008
SANTA FE, NM – Christians are flocking to Santa Fe, to see what some are saying is the image of Jesus Christ that has appeared in a painting of Jesus Christ.
Published February 2009
BOISE, ID – For the fifth straight year, Robert Winslow’s New Year’s resolution has not lasted past the first minute of the New Year. This year’s resolution, a vow not to call his mother-in-law Tasha Dogone a “stupid, dirty whore,” was broken in 42 seconds.
Published August 2000
LAWRENCE, KS – Kansas State Education officials again shocked the education world this week by announcing that it will remove all Math, Science and Social studies related materials from its classrooms due to both moral and funding reasons.
Published April 2010
VATICAN CITY – In an effort to prevent further molestation of young boys by priests in the Catholic Church, the Pope has announced a change to the way mass will be conducted. Young boys will no longer participate in mass and in their place priests will use young, attractive women.
“There willa be ah no morea alter boys inna the church,” said Cardinal Antonio Cassius of Italy.
Published December 2006
LOS GATOS, CA – While most Americans were celebrating the holiday season with their friends and family, the Castero family of Los Gatos were secretly thankful that one family member had passed away.