Published March 2005
TALLAHASSE, FL – Two children have retained legal council in an effort to reintroduce a water bottle into the cage of the children’s pet hamster Mr. Snugglebottoms. The parents of the two children removed the water bottle two days ago after declaring Mr. Snugglebottoms deceased.
Published September 2016
SAN DIEGO, CA – A new stroller capable of holding up to five children is about to hit the market and industry experts say it may just revolutionize the stroller industry.
Published December 2005
SPACE, TIME – Earlier this week Father Time responded to reports that he has fathered at least 12 illegitimate children with nine different mothers over the last quarter century by saying simply “Hell no, I ain’t their daddy.”
Published April 2001
KETWORTH, PA – In what is being called the worst “Childhood” outbreak in United States’ history, children in Northeastern Pennsylvania are being round up by the thousands, slaughtered and tested for the debilitating disease.
Published November 2015
NORTH POLE – After a year in which there was only one “nice” child, Santa Claus says he will officially retire from delivering toys to children on Christmas Eve.
Published February 2009
SAN DIEGO, CA – After almost an hour of continuous bad behavior by his three children, Dennis Feagley, stopped his car along Interstate 10, stating that he had finally “had it up to here!”
Published June 2015
WASHINGTON, D.C. – In a pre-vacation ruling, the Supreme Court has issued one of its most controversial rulings, upholding Comcast’s right to demand customer’s first-born children as payment.
Published March 2001
HOUSTON, TX – Scientists at DNA Research Laboratories in Houston, TX have isolated what they believe to be the gene that causes ‘shifting’ in males. The discovery may lead to treatments and help to prevent the defect in future generations.
Published November 2015
SAN JOSE, CA – Local Jewish boy James Kirkwood has been struggling to explain to his Christian friends why Hanukkah is better than Christmas.
Published February 2000
SAN JOSE, CA – After decades of imprisonment, the Peanuts gang has finally been freed. With the recent death of the group’s captor, Charles Schultz, Charlie Brown, Lucy, Linus and several others may finally return to their families. Nearly 50 years ago, the children were abducted near their school and locked away in a room located in the basement of Schultz California estate. Schultz kept them there and had them “perform” while he sketched them and turned the group’s misery and depression into one of America’s longest running comic strips.