Published November 2013
MODESTO, CA – Over the past several weeks local Christian Jerome Hopkins has been aggressively wishing co-workers a “merry Christmas,” regardless of his coworkers’ actual religious beliefs.
Published December 2015
MODESTO, CA – Local Man Dennis Clarke has told his family, friends and neighbors that he’ll take down his fucking Christmas lights when he fucking feels like it.
Published November 2007
SILVER SPRINGS, MD – Even after 30 years, local atheist Jon Weaver is still complaining about Christmas. Weaver, an atheist since a young age, spends much of his December annoyed by all things Christmas related.
Published November 2010
ANN ARBOR, MI – According to her friends and family, new mother Josephine Montrell is “going a little overboard” in celebrating her baby’s first Christmas.
Published November 2015
SAN JOSE, CA – Local Jewish boy James Kirkwood has been struggling to explain to his Christian friends why Hanukkah is better than Christmas.
Published November 2016
MOSCOW, RUSSIA – Russian President Vladimir Putin says he is excited but still waiting until Christmas Day before opening his gift from United States President Elect Donald Trump.
Published November 2018
WASHINGTON, D.C. – President Donald Trump has approved the commission and construction of a new national monument to honor the lives lost in the War on Christmas.
Published November 2011
NEWARK, DE – Several employees of CPTB Industries have described the Christmas decorations in a co-workers cubicle as “a little over the top.”
Published December 2017
WASHINGTON, D.C. – President Donald Trump announced that he is planning on staying awake on Christmas Eve in order to confront Santa Claus.
“I am going to stay up, I’m very good at staying up, maybe the best, some people say that I’m the best they’ve ever seen at staying up, like the Russians, they are good at staying up and I’m good like that too, at staying up. I can stay up late when I want to stay up late,” said Trump.
Published November 2009
WASHINGTON, D.C. – Five years ago the world became embroiled in a new war, one that has divided the world, especially the United States, along religious lines. That war is the War Against Christmas.
The war started simply enough – with one person trying to be considerate and another being a complete and total asshole.