Report: Clinton’s Email Mostly Twilight Fanfic

WASHINGTON, D.C. – The investigation in to Hillary Clinton’s use of a private email during her time as United States Secretary of State has revealed more than 80 percent of the emails sent or received by Clinton were Twilight fan fiction and pantsuit catalogs.

“(The FBI) reviewed all available emails and while we found nothing to indicate a violation of any law, we did find a shockingly large number of Twilight fan fiction stories and pantsuit catalogs,” said FBI Director, James Comey.


Polls: Your Mom Now Leading Clinton, Trump

WASHINGTON, D.C. – With only a few weeks until the Presidential election, the write-in candidate Your Mom has taken the lead in a series of recent polls.

“People are rejecting the two major party candidates at a rate we’ve never seen and because of that people are looking for other choices,” said former Democratic Party Chairman, Howard Dean. “Someone, who knows who, said that they’d just write ‘Your Mom’ on their ballot and people are really starting to agree with that.”


Whitehouse Celebration Turns Ugly

WASHINGTON DC – A going away party at the white house turned ugly last week as officers from the Washington DC Police Department were called in to control already out of hand partygoers around 3 a.m. Wednesday morning. Over 2 million dollars worth of damage was caused and 200 people were arrested with several others ticketed for various offenses.


Dems to Face Off In "Your Momma" Battle

WASHINGTON, D.C. – With the race for the Democratic nomination yielding no clear victor after months of debates and primaries, the Democratic Party officials have decided the Presidential nomination will go to the winner of a “your momma” battle.


Voter Changes Minda after Watching YouTube Video

CHARLOTTE, NC – After viewing a viral video supporting Gary Johnson, local voter Travis Pickett says he will now vote for Johnson.


Former Presidents Continue Tradition by Hazing Obama

WASHINGTON, DC – All of the living former Presidents of the United States have begun hazing newly inaugurated President Barack Obama in a tradition that dates back decades.


Taliban Give Puppies to Pakistan Citizens

ISLAMABAD, Pakistan – After suffering several military defeats in recent weeks, the Taliban is calling for a return to peace talks and to prove its willingness to comply with any new cease fire, Taliban officials have distributed puppies and kittens to every household within the capital city.
“(The Taliban) want peace and we want to give people of Pakistan peace.”


White House Readying "Biggest Scandal Ever"

WASHINGTON, DC – The Bush administration is celebrating a major milestone this month with its 1,000th scandal and to celebrate, some of Bush’s advisers are planning a special surprise for the American public.


Trump Refusing to His Release Permanent Record

NEW YORK, NY – Despite requests from the media and Democrat Party leaders, Republican Presidential nominee Donald Trump is refusing to release his permanent school record.


New Theory Of Evolution: Man Comes From Cabbages

CLINTON, OH – As the debate over the teaching of the origin of life continues, a new, more radical theory is beginning to push its way to the forefront and is starting to become widely accepted. The theory, called “the Cabbage Patch Theory” argues that man first came from cabbage fields located in Cleveland, GA.


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