Published April 2008
MANCHESTER, NH – According to employees at Delwitt Chemical, the guy in the corner cubical on the second floor is a total dick.
Published March 2017
SEATTLE, WA – Starbucks will be expanding its menu next month, rolling out new dick flavored coffee drinks to stores across the country.
“When looking for a new flavor we asked ourselves ‘what do people, at least most people, like?’ the answer was obvious; dick,” said Starbucks Flavor Engineer, Kylie Kearns. “And the love of dick is worldwide. Almost every single woman has had a dick in their mouth at some point.”
Published November 2015
JACKSONVILLE, NC – While details remain unclear, Uncle Dean may or may not have just sent you a picture of his penis.
Published July 2017
PROVIDENCE, RI – After three years of hearing the same anecdote repeated on a regular basis, Jason Wynn has told his roommate Jordan Zimmerman the story is no longer funny or interesting.
Published March 2019
SANTIAGO, CHILE – Archaeologists working outside of Santiago have discovered what they believe is the first known instance of a “dick pic.”
Published April 2009
OKLAHOMA CITY, OK – Shortly after their kiss-kam performance on the AT&T Bricktown Ballpark Jumbotron, local couple Leon Trendle and Sarah Jo Neller felt regret.
Published July 2011
LEESBURG, VA – A local homeless man says that he has developed a plan for balancing the budget and addressing all of The United States of America’s current financial concerns.
Published December 2007
SAN BERNIDINO, CA – The star of a popular viral video says that while he is happy with his recent success as an internet star, he would really like to turn his attention to directing.
Published January 2016
AUSTIN, TX – Occasional film viewer Kevin Mothma has proved his intelligence and sophistication by disliking the new film Star Wars: The Force Awakens.
“(Star Wars) The Force Awakens is shallow,” said Mothma. “The story is so pedestrian. There was nothing there. Just a bunch of loosely tied together action scenes. And the main girl in the movie, whatever her name is, was such a Mary Sue.”
Published April 2017
CHARLESTON, WV – Citizens of Charleston are outraged as the local manufactures of Methamphetamine have raised the price of meth 300%.