Kids Killed, Tested for "Childhood" Disease
Published April 2001KETWORTH, PA – In what is being called the worst “Childhood” outbreak in United States’ history, children in Northeastern Pennsylvania are being round up by the thousands, slaughtered and tested for the debilitating disease.
Douche Bag Disease Traced to New Jersey
Published January 2010CHERRY HILL, NJ – Scientists working with Gene-O-Topic have made a breakthrough in the fight against Douche Bag Disease by identifying and tracing a key genetic sequence. The discovery may lead to a possible cure and the elimination of the disease all together.
Douche Bag Disease has infected more than 400 million men in this country and is the leading cause of spiked hair, sleeveless shirts and Nickelback enjoyment among men ages 12 to 65.
March Madness Virus Outbreak Kills Thousands, More Infected
Published March 2006ATLANTA, GA – In what is being called the worst epidemic since the SARS outbreak, the nations top scientists are desperately trying to curb the spread of a killer viral infection known as March Madness. The disease, which attacks the central nervous system, has killed 80,000 people across the country with an estimated 20 million people infected.
Actor Foghorn Leghorn Diagnosed With Bird Flu
Published July 2006LOUISVILLE, KY – Addressing reporters and hundreds of fans, beloved cartoon actor and chicken rights spokescock Foghorn Leghorn announced today that he had contracted the deadly Avian Flu virus.
SARS More Deadly, Contagious Than Cooties, Pac-Man Fever
Published April 2003GENEVA, SWITZERLAND- The World Health Organization announced Friday that the SARS virus is now the most contagious disease in recorded history. At the time the announcement was made, Cooties was classified as the most contagious followed closely by Pac-Man Fever.
Band Anthrax Catches Anthrax Disease
Published October 2001LOS ANGELES, CA – In perhaps the most ironic moment in recent history, the heavy-metal rock band Anthrax was diagnosed with the deadly virus Anthrax. The infection was discovered Thursday as all members of the band reported to St Williams Hospital in Irvine, CA.
Budweiser To Sponsor Local Man's Liver Disease
Published May 2008ST. LOUIS, MO – Budweiser Brewing Company has signed a contract that could revolutionize the marketing and promotion or alcoholic beverages. The deal, which will see Budweiser sponsoring a local man’s liver disease, is said to be worth in the neighborhood of $2.3 million.
Boy Sure He Has Ebola, Should Stay Home From School
Published October 2014DALLAS, TX – Local 10-year-old Jacob Entwhurst has informed his parents that he may have contracted Ebola that he should be quarantined for the next month.
Scientists Identify 'Tattoo' Gene In American Women
Published June 2004OLSO, NORWAY – Scientists in Norway think they may have isolated the gene that is responsible for the growth of dark scars, commonly referred to as tattoos, on females in their late teens. The break through came as a result of two years of exhaustive research and may lead to preventing the disease which currently affects 80% of American women age 18-21.
Local Mother Refuses to Get Flu Shot for Fear of Autism
Published September 2014PASADENA, CA – Local mother, Jane Herbst, is refusing to get a flu shot because she read an internet blog post recently that may or may not have said there was a connection between autism and flu shots.

Most Popular Stories
- Funny Thing Happens On Way To Forum
Boy Scouts Retire Two Difficult Merit Badges
- House Cats Have Begun Stealing Human Souls
Survey: Truck Owners With Big Lift Likely To Have Small Penis
- Naked Person This Year's Hot Halloween Costume
Trump Announces Plan to Return Alaska to Russia
Colorado Opens Weed Themed Amusement Park
White House Staff Use Cupcakes to Lure Trump to Meetings
New Report Concludes Most of the Irish Population Are Alcoholic
- This Year’s Hottest Halloween Costumes