World Still Does Not Know Who Let the Dogs Out

LOS ANGELES, CA – It has been 17 years since the question was first raised but investigators and the general public are still unsure who let the dogs out.


New Report Confirms Lewis Is a Bad Dog

MOUNT VERNON, WA – A report recently released by the Department of Animal Rights and Welfare concludes that Lewis is bad dog.


Taliban Give Puppies to Pakistan Citizens

ISLAMABAD, Pakistan – After suffering several military defeats in recent weeks, the Taliban is calling for a return to peace talks and to prove its willingness to comply with any new cease fire, Taliban officials have distributed puppies and kittens to every household within the capital city.
“(The Taliban) want peace and we want to give people of Pakistan peace.”


Voter Changes Minda after Watching YouTube Video

CHARLOTTE, NC – After viewing a viral video supporting Gary Johnson, local voter Travis Pickett says he will now vote for Johnson.


Local Woman Regreting Decision to Buy New Puppy

DURANGO, CO – Less than three months after buying a Black Labrador Retriever puppy, local woman Gail Freiberg, has expressed dissatisfaction with both the puppy and the decision to adopt the puppy.


Putin Waiting Until Christmas to Open Trump’s Present

MOSCOW, RUSSIA – Russian President Vladimir Putin says he is excited but still waiting until Christmas Day before opening his gift from United States President Elect Donald Trump.


No Longer a Dog, Pluto Assigned New Classification

ANAHEIM, CA – After a gathering of Disney Corporation senior Imagineers, it was announced that the cartoon character of Pluto the dog will be reclassified. The change will move Pluto from the classification of “canine” to a new species tentatively called “Dogturd.”


Inspirational Film Fails To Inspire

DENVER, CO – Despite the viewing of 220 “inspirational” films where the underdogs become victorious, The Colorado Rockies lost the World Series in four straight games to the much better Boston Red Sox.


Hospitals Implement Morality Tests To Admit "Good People" First

ST LOUIS, MO – In a move that is both financially and ethically motivated, hospital administrators in Missouri have decided to begin screening patients for moral values and basing treatment options on the outcomes of those screenings.


Taco Bell Drops the Chihuahua

NEW YORK CITY – Just two days after announcing that it will drop its current and most successful ad campaign, Taco Bell has announced that the famous “Taco Bell Chihuahua” will be gone from commercials and promotions but will soon be even closer to America’s hearts.


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