Co-ed Unsure If She Needs To Apologize After Party

ATLANTA, GA – A college co-ed isn’t sure, but she thinks she regrets most of the events that occurred during her New Year’s Eve party.


Man Promises to Not Get Too Drunk at New Year’s Eve Party

MIDDLETON, WI – Local man Jesse Guentert has told his friends that he will try to drink only a small amount of alcohol at their New Year’s Eve party.


Retailers Stocking up on Halloween’s Hottest Costumes

LOS ANGELES, CA – With Halloween right around the corner, costume shops all across the country are stocking up on what are anticipated to be this year’s most popular costumes.


CIA Finally Finishes Off Kennedys

WASHINGTON, D.C. – After more than 50 years of failed attempts, the Central Intelligence Agency finally succeeded in eliminating all Kennedys from American politics with the passing of Edward “Ted” Kennedy.


NASCAR Party Ends After First Lap

BOSTON, MA – A party held to watch a NASCAR event ended after only 15 minutes when beer ran out and party goers realized the sport amounted to nothing more than driving in a circle.


Irish Hall of Fame Inductees Announced

BELFAST, IRELAND – The Irish government revealed the short list of names for this years induction into the Irish Hall of Fame. This year’s honorees include Lucky, the Lucky Charms Leprechaun, William Wallace and Jack Daniels.


New Report Concludes Most of the Irish Population Are Alcoholic

BOSTON, MA – A recent sociological study out of the Harvard University has concluded that 83% percent of Irish people are alcoholics.


Hijacked Ship off Somalia Coast Causes International Incident

MOGADISHU, SOMALIA – The hijacking of a ship containing 23 goats, three Michael Jackson look-a-likes, 107 boxes of “Dancing With The Stars” DVDs and a British Couple has caused an international incident.


Parents Confused by Child’s Resemblance to Neighbor

ELKTON, MD – A local couple says they are confused by their child’s resemblance to their next door neighbor.


New Warning System Alerts Americans To Skank Level

WASINGTON, DC – The Department of Health and Human Services has issued a statement and simultaneously released a new warning system to track threats posed by skanks. The new system comes just weeks before the spring skank increase experienced annually in America’s warmer climates.


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