God said he will no longer leave his children in charge when he takes a vacation.

God Apologizes for Leaving His Kids in Charge Last Seven Years

HEAVEN – After returning from vacation and seeing the state of Earth, God has promised to never again put his kids in charge while he is away.


A new poll conducted by Stanford University has found that 84% of Americans "just can't anymore."

New Poll Finds Majority of Americans Just Can't Anymore

WASHINGTON, D.C. – According to a recent poll, the number of Americans that just can’t anymore is at an all-time high.


Former member of The Watchmen, Adrian Veidt, also known as Ozymandias, says he created and released the COVID-19 virus in order to unite humanity against a single threat.

Adrian Veidt Admits Plan to Unify Humanity by Releasing COVID-19 has Failed

NEW YORK, NY – Former superhero and the smartest man in the world, Adrian Veidt, also known as Ozymandias, admitted to engineering and releasing the COVID-19 virus in an effort to bring the people of earth together.


Qanon Revealed to be Mountain Dew Marketing Campaign

WASHINGTON, D.C. – In a shocking Post-Election revelation, the source of the mysterious Qanon conspiracy theory has been revealed to be the marketing team for the soft drink Mountain Dew.


Astronomers think a newly discovered planet within the habitable zone of Bernard’s Star could be ruined by humans.

New Planet Discovered that Humans Could Totally Ruin

HILO, HI – Astronomers at the W. M. Keck Observatory have discovered a planet capable of supporting life orbiting a nearby star that humans could “definitely ruin.”


Christ Apologizes for Meek Inheriting Earth Tweet

WILMINGTON, NC – Jesus Christ has apologized for a controversial tweet he made last month after an intense online backlash.


House Cats Have Begun Stealing Human Souls

BOSTON, MA – House cats have begun stealing human souls as part of the final phase of their plan to conquer Earth.


Jennifer Lawrence Asks to be Removed from Bucket Lists

HOLLYWOOD, CA – Actress Jennifer Lawrence has asked every male on the planet Earth to remove her name from their individual bucket lists.


Magazine Releases Top 10 “Things to do Before You Die”

NEW YORK, NY – As the world becomes more dangerous, a growing trend is creating a list of “must do”s to be completed before one dies – commonly known as a “bucket list.”


President Obama delivers the State of the Union address.

28 Things We Learned from Last Month’s State of the Union

WASHINGTON, DC – During the State of the Union address last month President Obama made a number of statements reflecting on the past year and made a number of promises looking ahead.


Back to Top