NEW YORK, NY – Amazon has released a statement assuring subscribers that the upcoming Lord of the Rings series will contain the amount of violence, nudity, and incest that fantasy television viewers have become accustomed to in recent years.

SAN FRANCISCO, CA – Local Tesla owner, Jacob Gregory, has successfully worked the fact that he owns a Tesla into every conversation he’s had since purchasing the vehicle in late 2020.

HOLLYWOOD, CA – After a successful campaign to convince HBO to release the “Snyder cut” of “Justice League,” fans have started a similar campaign for the release of the director’s cut of the Pornhub video “Step sister alseep on couch BBC surprise DVDA”.

PHILADELPHIA, PA – Several cardboard cutouts of fans started a brawl during a recent Philadelphia Flyers hockey game.

NEW YORK, NY – In advance of Valentine’s Day, Pfizer has released a new double-sided COVID-19 vaccination needle that will allow a couple to vaccinate each other at the same time.

Hello, hello, HELLOOOOOOOO! Oh. My. GOD. It has been forever! It is I, your bestest friend in all of the deep, dark web – Beth Sinclair!

DALLAS, TX – A local sports fan, Derrick Browdirt, has found himself unable to communicate with other males due to the cancellation of all sports and sporting events during the COVID-19 pandemic.

HOLLYWOOD, CA – Recently released images from the upcoming Star Wars film, The Rise of Skywalker, have angered a number of Star Wars fans who are upset the film will include the color turquoise.

HOLLYWOOD, CA – Fans of the film Titanic, long unhappy with the ending of the film, have launched a petition to have the ending of the film remade “so it’s happy”.

LOS ANGELES, CA – Cirque Du Soleil will be debuting a new show based on the life and music of GG Allin this month. The new show, Cirque Du Soleil: Eat My Fuc, is named after one of Allin’s earliest releases.