Jesus Christ Postpones Second Coming For 11th Time

LONDON, ENGLAND – Jesus Christ, religious figurehead for millions, will not be returning to Earth this month as was previously scheduled. This latest announcement marks the 11th time Christ has postponed his return to Earth in the past 200 years.


Yankees Promise Jeter Will be Sent to Farm Upstate

NEW YORK, NY – New York Yankees’ fans have been promised that retiring shortstop Derek Jeter will be taken upstate to live out the rest of his years on a farm.


Local Indie Band Set to Sell Out

HOLLYWOOD, CA – Fans of the underground indie-rock band The Star Project Theory protested this week as members of the band announced plans to “sell out.” In a press conference broadcast through the bands official website, The Star Project Theory made official what fans have been fearing for months, signing a contract with Warner Brothers Records.


Musician Eager to Disappoint Fans with New Album

LOS ANGELES, CA – After selling over a million copies of her debut album, rocker Terra Tory is looking forward to the new year and is eager to disappoint both fans and critics alike with her new album.


Dustin Diamond Called Back To Mother Ship

NEWPORT BEACH, CA – Shortly before boarding the “Mother Ship” actor Dustin Diamond addressed his fans and “family” apologizing for his departure from the planet Earth but leaving the door open for possible future visits.


Psychiatrists, Counselors Help Star Wars Fans Back To Normal

LOS ANGELES, CA – As Star Wars: Revenge of the Sith exits theaters, parents all across the nation are calling in psychiatrists and other counselors to help their 30-something children transition from a life filled with Jedi and Storm Troopers and into a normal life.


Star Wars Fans Upset New Film Will Include Color Turquoise

HOLLYWOOD, CA – Recently released images from the upcoming Star Wars film, The Rise of Skywalker, have angered a number of Star Wars fans who are upset the film will include the color turquoise.


NBA Changing Rules To Win Back Viewers

CLEVELAND, OH – With ratings falling for the fourth consecutive year, the National Basketball Association has announced that it will make sweeping changes to how games are played beginning next season.

Perhaps the biggest change will be to the overall structure of the game. Instead of four 12-minute quarters, an NBA basketball game will last five minutes with each team starting at 98 points.
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“In recent years, (the last five minutes ) is the only part of the game that people actually watch,” said NBA Commissioner Adam Silver.


Fans Start Petition to Make Titanic Ending Happier

HOLLYWOOD, CA – Fans of the film Titanic, long unhappy with the ending of the film, have launched a petition to have the ending of the film remade “so it’s happy”.


VH1's "Where Are They Now" Ready To Go

HOLLYWOOD, CA – Just in time for the fall season, VH-1 has announced that two new installments of the hit show, “Where Are They Now?” will be premiering before the end of the month. The two shows, which are now in post-production, will center on two of the most beloved acts the world has known, The Backstreet Boys and Britney Spears and the horrible fall from stardom each act took.


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