President Trump has locked himself in a White House bunker after screaming that he has seen a ghost.

Trump Refuses to Come Out of Bunker After Seeing Ghost

WASHINGTON, D.C. – According to multiple sources within the White House, President Trump has been hiding in a bunker since Halloween after he reported seeing “a ghost.”


New police uniforms approved by the National Police Union will be white robes and include a new masked, pointed helmet.

National Police Union Unveils New White Robe Uniforms for Police Officers

WASHINGTON, D.C. –The National Police Union has approved new white, robe-like police uniforms that will demonstrate a “commitment to peace and harmony”.


Business Owner Pulls Benefits from Employees After Visit by Ghosts

GLENDALE, AZ – After being visited by three ghosts, local businessman Walter Bandict, has announced that he will no longer offer his employees paid time off and medical benefits.


Local Barista has Finished His Film Script

KIRKLAND, WA – A local barista informed customers and coworkers that he has almost completed his film script.


Decorating For Christmas: Tips from the Professionals

NEW YORK, NY – Decorating for the holidays has become competitive in many neighborhoods across the country regardless of one’s religion.


GOP Asks Council of Nine to Find New Candidate

WASHINGTON, DC – As the Republican Party struggles to identify a viable presidential candidate, party leaders have summoned the Council of Nine.

The Council of Nine, an ancient and powerful order of Republican leaders, will now convene to pick, or if need be, conjure, a new Presidential candidate.

“Desperate times call for desperate measures,” said Republican strategist Gabriel Henderson.


Mexican Restaurant Near Alamo Causes Outrage

SAN ANTONIO, TX – Over the past weekend, thousands rallied in San Antonio to protest plans to open a new Mexican restaurant within blocks of the Alamo.

The protests began after Rubio’s Fresh Mexican Grill submitted plans to the city of San Antonio for a new location close to the Alamo.

In 1836 the Alamo was the site of a bloody battle during the Texas Revolution in which over 250 Texans were killed.


Parents Confused by Child’s Resemblance to Neighbor

ELKTON, MD – A local couple says they are confused by their child’s resemblance to their next door neighbor.


Beth Sinclair: This Year’s Best Halloween Costume Ideas

LOS ANGELES, CA – It has been so long since I’ve written a column! Hello, my lovelies, it is I, your ever vigilant reporter of all things that are good, Beth Sinclair!


White Teen "Totally" Identifies With African-Americans

ST. LOUIS, MO – During a casual chat with friends, Benjamin Walters admitted that he, a Caucasian 18-year-old male, identifies with African-Americans.


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