Christ Still Waiting for Birthday Call from His Father

RENO, NV – For the 1,093rd year in a row Jesus Christ has not received a birthday gift or a call on his birthday from his father.


Retailers Release Designer Appliances for Mother’s Day

NEW YORK, NY – Just in time for Mother’s Day, several top designers have come out with new lines of products developed to appeal more to the modern woman.


Sarah Palin Asks Santa Clause for Relevance

Anchorage, AK – For the third straight year, former Vice Presidential candidate Sarah Palin has asked Santa Clause for a resurrection of her relevance as her Christmas gift.


Local Christian Boy Wishes He Was Jewish

QUEENS, NY – Local 11-year-old Christian, Bradly Mickleson, wishes he was Jewish so he could celebrate Hanukah and receive gifts for eight consecutive days.


Scoop News’ Guide to 2013’s Hottest Toys

NEW YORK CITY – The holiday season is here and parents will soon begin looking for the perfect toys for their children.

As it has done for the past 30 years, The Scoop News has interviewed several toy industry insiders and has compiled a list of toys that are expected to be some of this year’s hottest sellers.


Lack of iPad Present Proves God, Santa Claus Do Not Exist

TUCSON, AZ – The lack of an iPad gift this year has proved to local seven-year-old Gracie Martinez that Jesus doesn’t exist and that there is no such thing as god.


Retailers Release List of Season’s Top Toys

NEW YORK CITY, NY – As the holiday season approaches, several top toy retailers have released a combined list of this year’s top, must-have toys to help parents ensure their children get everything they should want and that the children will be popular amongst other children.

“This list is something (retailers) do every year as a service to parents,” said Toys R Us spokeswoman Carol Hall.


Long John Silver’s Buys Oil, Fish in Gulf of Mexico

NEW ORLEANS, LA – American fast food company Long John Silver’s has secured exclusive fishing rights in the Gulf of Mexico as it hopes to capitalize on the recent oil spill. The company is hoping to both make a substantial profit from “already oiled fish” and perhaps remove the oil from the water.
“What we have here is an amazing opportunity,” said Long John Silver’s president Walter Johnson.


Retailers Using Extreme Measures to Bring in Customers

NEW YORK, NY – Retailers across the country are beginning to use extreme measures in order to get people shopping over the holiday season.


Deadly War on Christmas Enters Fifth Year

WASHINGTON, D.C. – Five years ago the world became embroiled in a new war, one that has divided the world, especially the United States, along religious lines. That war is the War Against Christmas.
The war started simply enough – with one person trying to be considerate and another being a complete and total asshole.


Back to Top