Published May 2014
ABUJA, Nigeria – In what is being seen by many as a “last ditch effort” to find the kidnapped Nigerian schoolgirls, the United States has committed a new group to aid in finding the young girls.
Published April 2010
VATICAN CITY – In an effort to prevent further molestation of young boys by priests in the Catholic Church, the Pope has announced a change to the way mass will be conducted. Young boys will no longer participate in mass and in their place priests will use young, attractive women.
“There willa be ah no morea alter boys inna the church,” said Cardinal Antonio Cassius of Italy.
Published April 2008
IRVING, TEXAS – The Boy Scouts of America have retired two merit badges the organization has deemed “impossible to obtain.” The badges to be removed from availability are the Talking to Girls and Popular merit badges.
Published January 2014
WASHINGTON, DC – The National Security Agency has stopped collecting American’s data after completely filling over 10,000 servers with “selfies.”
“As of last week, the NSA is no longer able to collect data due to the very large number of selfies that currently reside on the servers,” said NSA Director, Shawn Nossen.
Published February 2018
OMAHA, NB – Local man Dean Waters, 27, is suing 10-year-old Lara Schriber for gender discrimination because Waters was not invited to Schriber’s “girls only” sleepover.
Published April 2011
ATLANTA, GA – A report has drawn a direct line between the sex-slavery trade and milkshakes. The report is a result of more than five years of research by the University of Georgia.
Published June 2002
AUSTIN, TX – In a daring move that shows his wild and independent nature, Gordon Vassen, 22, has applied two stickers featuring ‘big tittied naked devil chicks’ to the rear window of his 1997 Ford Explorer.
Published August 2007
NEW YORK, NY – In hopes of capitalizing on a new and rapidly growing market, NBC Television has announced plans to combine one of its most popular shows, “To Catch a Predator,” with a reality competition format to create “the greatest reality show of all time.”
Published February 2014
HOLLYWOOD, CA – With the filming set to begin in a few months, Disney has finally revealed the cast for the highly anticipated Star Wars Episode VII.
Published June 2001
AMES, IA – Approximately 20 minutes after applying a temporary tattoo, 9-yerar-old Joshua Kelley went on what witnesses describe as “a thug-like rampage of destruction and complete disregard for his fellow students.”