Former punk band guitarist, Gavin Lewis, wishes he had sold out years ago when given the chance.

Old Punk Guitarist Really Wishes He Sold Out

BALTIMORE, MD – The former guitarist of a punk band has admitted that he wishes he had sold out when given the opportunity years ago.


Ken Giacomo, former guitarist for Satan’s Baby Goat Blood Cult, has spent the last several days trying to complete his Linkdin profile.

Former Metal Guitarist Struggling to Update Linkdin Profile

MIDDLETOWN, NJ – Former heavy metal guitarist, Ken “Blood Face” Giacomo, has been updating his Linkdin profile for several days but has been struggling to include his experience as a musician.


Musician Eager to Disappoint Fans with New Album

LOS ANGELES, CA – After selling over a million copies of her debut album, rocker Terra Tory is looking forward to the new year and is eager to disappoint both fans and critics alike with her new album.


Residents of California have begun adding armor and weapons to their cars as they prepare for the upcoming Mad Max-like war for water.

Californians Preparing for Inevitable Water War

LOS ANGELES – As the drought in California worsens, residents have begun modifying their cars by adding armor plating, skulls and various other decorations in preparation for the inevitable wars.

Climate scientists believe the lack of rain and shortage of water may result in wars fought by gangs with armored vehicles and guitars that shoot fire as seen in the recent documentary film, “Mad Max: Fury Road.”


Teen Commemorating Cobain’s Suicide with Terrible Song

SEATTLE, WA – Local 17-year-old, Jakob Custors, is commemorating the 20th anniversary of Kurt Cobain’s suicide by writing a terrible song.


Hippies Can No Longer Achieve Ignorant Bliss

WOODSTOCK, NY – Local Hippies are no longer able to remain unaware of the current geopolitical climate and have begun to give up on peace.


Guitar Player Not as Cool as He Thinks He Is

BOZEMAN, MT – According to all who have noticed him, the guy sitting and playing guitar underneath the big tree in the Montana State University quad is not as cool as he thinks he is.


MTV Games Announces Indie and Jam Band Games

SEATTLE, WA – With the enormous success of the video game Rock Band, MTV Games has announced plans to extend the video game line with the addition of at least two news games scheduled to release this yea


Bush Admits Suffering From Extreme Case of Senioritis

WASHINGTON, D.C. – With less than a month left in his term as President of the United States, George W. Bush has admitted that he has “a severe case of senioritis.”


Teen Votes Band For President

PORTLAND, OR – In a demonstration against the American government and the election process, 18-year-old Jerold “Skinner” Watoski, decided not vote for any of the available Presidential candidates and instead wrote in his own candidate. Watoski, who describes himself as an “Anarchist,” wrote the name of rock-group Good Charlotte on his ballot with a marker that Watoski had snuck into the voting booth.


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