Pothead Patiently Waiting for 4:20

BOULDER, CO – A local community college student and self proclaimed “huge pothead” has been sitting in his apartment for the past 20 minutes, patiently waiting for the time to reach 4:20 pm.


Breakthrough: 4:20 Not Best Time to Get High

BOSTON, MA – Researchers from the biology department of Boston College have released the results of an exhaustive experiment on the effect marijuana has on the human body and mind. The experiment, conducted from May 1994 to December 2000, was the largest such experiment of its kind, and the results have the conductors very excited.


After Long Winter, Dow Jones Plans to Get High

MANCHESTER, NH –William “Dow” Jones announced that he is coming out of a month’s long depression and plans to “get really, really high” soon.


High School Coach Dislikes Kid for No Reason

PARKER, CO – Local high school football coach doesn’t like high school athlete Kyle McDavid for no apparent reason.


Colorado Opens Weed Themed Amusement Park

DENVER, CO – Thanks to the popularity and profitability of legalized pot, Colorado will soon be getting a new marijuana themed, adult amusement park named Mile High Funtown 420.

“Pot is huge in Colorado so it just makes sense to build on that popularity and open a pot-themed amusement park. And really, when you are high, the only thing you want to do is go to an amusement park. That’s a fact,” said Mile High Funtown 420 CEO, Rebecca Matthews.


Cheerleader Still Deciding Which Football Player To Bang First

WITCHITA, KS – Although the football season is almost half over, McGearson High School cheerleader Breanna Winnik has yet to decide which football player she will sleep with first.


Study Examines Hooker Hotel Connection

CHICAGO, IL – In a recent study conducted by the American Automobile Association (AAA), it was shown that 98% of all hotel rooms in America have been used by prostitutes.


Gore Taps DMX for Cabinet Position

WASHINGTON D.C. – In a seemingly desperate attempt to win over the minority vote, Vice President Al Gore has announced his plan to appoint rap superstar Darkman X, better known as DMX, to his cabinet in a new position Gore calls, “Dawg of da State.”


Local Teen to “Take A Year Off” After High School

WAYNESVILLE, IN – Local high school student, Roy Garfield, told his family that after graduation he will not be going to college in the fall and that he plans on just “taking a year off and just relaxing.”


CIA Ready to Release New Diet Crack

WASHINGTON, D.C. – Almost 30 years after the release of Crack Cocaine, the Central Intelligence Agency is releasing an updated, diet version of the popular drug.

According to a spokesman at the CIA, the new diet Crack cocaine will be marketed under the name DCrack and will follow a similar marketing strategy as the current Crack, which will now be marketed as Original Crack.


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