North Carolina Braces For Biggest Hippie Jam Fest Of The Year

RALEIGH, NC – With Hippie Jam Fest season entering its second month, another large Hippie Jam Fest, named Jampalooma, is expected to reach the Southern coast of North Carolina early next week.


Hippies Can No Longer Achieve Ignorant Bliss

WOODSTOCK, NY – Local Hippies are no longer able to remain unaware of the current geopolitical climate and have begun to give up on peace.


Gas Companies Submit To Hippie Pressure, Lower Prices

BERKLEY, CA – Three major gasoline companies gave in to pressure from local protestors this week and lowered gas prices by 15 cents. This marks the first time that gas companies have ever reduced the price of gas because of protests.


NSA to Offer Aura Scans, Readings at Nation’s Airports

WASHINGTON, DC – Airline passengers traveling this holiday season will soon get a little extra from their trip through security as the National Security Agency will soon be offering aura scans.


Protesters Protest Amount of Bookstore Protest

FLAGSTAFF, AZ – With the opening of a new Barnes and Noble bookstore, a small group of area residents have come out to protest the amount of people protesting the corporation’s debut in the small mountain community.


Few Attend Student’s “Occupy My Pants” Party

NEW YORK, NY – A student at NYU has expressed disappointment regarding his “Occupy My Pants” party that occurred last weekend in the student’s dorm room.


Recent Snow Falls Proves Global Warming Doesn’t Exist

OLSO, NORWAY – An international team of scientist have finally put to rest any debate about global warming saying that recent snow showers across the globe prove that that the earth is not getting warmer.


White House Lays Out President Approval Rating System

WASHINGTON D.C – With President Bush’s approval rating at an all time low, the White House unveiled a new method for acquiring the approval rating during a press conference earlier this week.


Local Man Takes Bongo Playing Too Seriously

TUCSON, AZ – Local bongo player, Steve “Ashy” Gregory, readily admits that he takes his bongo playing very seriously.


Democrats Push Anti-American Agenda Onto American Public

WASHINGTON, D.C. – What Republicans across the nation feared has come to pass as the new Democrat controlled Congress unleashed its gay loving, tree hugging, god hating, anti-American agenda on the American public.


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