Boy Sure He Has Ebola, Should Stay Home From School

DALLAS, TX – Local 10-year-old Jacob Entwhurst has informed his parents that he may have contracted Ebola that he should be quarantined for the next month.


Nautilus’ New Equipment Designed to Sit in Garage

VANCOUVER, WA – Workout equipment manufacturer Nautilus has released a new home gym exercise machine that is designed to sit in the garage gathering dust for five years before going up for sale on Craigslist.


Sex Dungeons: New House Remodeling Trend

TRENTON, NJ – As summer begins, so does the season of home renovations. The cold weather is gone and home owners across the country will begin heading to hardware stores for the supplies to make needed or wanted improvements to their homes.

According to Home Re-Do Magazine’s editor Glenda Hershet, this year’s most popular home improvement project is the addition of a sex dungeon.


Avon Releasing New BlaqueFace Face Cream

LONDON, ENGLAND – Avon Products will be launching a new line of daily use face creams, called Crem De La BlaqueFace next month.


Community College Offering Sexuality Classes

PLEASANTVILLE, WISCONSIN – In their monthly newsletter Pleasantville Community College announced the launching of a new curriculum — Vocational Certificate in Careers of Sexuality.


Image of Jesus Christ Seen in Painting of Jesus Christ

SANTA FE, NM – Christians are flocking to Santa Fe, to see what some are saying is the image of Jesus Christ that has appeared in a painting of Jesus Christ.


Grandmother Just Wants One Normal Thanksgiving

CINCINNATI, OH – Local grandmother has told her family that she just wants a normal Thanksgiving Dinner this year without any “craziness.”


War Erupts Between Resident, HOA

IRVING, TX – Seemingly overnight, the once quite neighborhood of Willow Estates has erupted in violence as the Willow Estates Home Owners Association has declared war on a small band of rebels led by resident Richard Sterty. Tensions have been escalating in the area since Sterty’s arrival 6 months ago and have now reached a boiling point.


Putin Waiting Until Christmas to Open Trump’s Present

MOSCOW, RUSSIA – Russian President Vladimir Putin says he is excited but still waiting until Christmas Day before opening his gift from United States President Elect Donald Trump.


Zombie Unicorns Attack Fans At Minor League Game

ASHLAND, KY – Three weeks ago fans and professional baseball players were attacked by a herd of Zombie Unicorns as a publicity stunt went horribly wrong.


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