Astronomers think a newly discovered planet within the habitable zone of Bernard’s Star could be ruined by humans.

New Planet Discovered that Humans Could Totally Ruin

HILO, HI – Astronomers at the W. M. Keck Observatory have discovered a planet capable of supporting life orbiting a nearby star that humans could “definitely ruin.”


New Study by IT Employee Suggests Humans Should Only Work Two Hours a Day

MILWAUKEE, WI – A new study conducted by Jared Weisman, an IT employee at Modera Health Care Solutions, finds humans should only work two hours a day.


Five Ways to Tell If You Are Addicted to Your Phone

SAN FRANCISCO, CA – As smartphones have become an increasingly important part of our lives some experts are growing concerned we may be developing an addicted to our phones.


House Cats Have Begun Stealing Human Souls

BOSTON, MA – House cats have begun stealing human souls as part of the final phase of their plan to conquer Earth.


According to a recent report by the EPA, renewable energy such as wind and solar power cause over 100,000 illnesses.

EPA: Renewable Energy Causes 104,412 Illnesses

WASHINGTON, D.C. – The Environmental Protection Agency has released a new study that concludes renewable energy, specifically solar and wind generated power, can cause up to 104,412 illnesses.
“(The EPA) just published a ground breaking report that clearly shows that the renewable energy that the Democrats have been pushing on us for so long is actually the cause of almost every illness that’s out there,” said EPA spokesman Frank Servees.

Zombie Unicorns Attack Fans At Minor League Game

ASHLAND, KY – Three weeks ago fans and professional baseball players were attacked by a herd of Zombie Unicorns as a publicity stunt went horribly wrong.


Retailers Stocking up on Halloween’s Hottest Costumes

LOS ANGELES, CA – With Halloween right around the corner, costume shops all across the country are stocking up on what are anticipated to be this year’s most popular costumes.


Godzilla Denies Causing Japan Earthquake

TOKYO, JAPAN – In an effort to avoid further public outcry, Godzilla held a press conference earlier this week to deny any involvement in the recent Japanese earthquakes and tsunamis.

“In the weeks since the disaster, my name has been thrown out a lot as being responsible for this terrible, terrible disaster,” said Godzilla.


Justin Bieber Linked to Drug Resistant Bacteria Infections

CHICAGO, IL – A recent article in The Journal of the American Medical Association (JAMA) has provided the clearest link between the rise of MRSA infections and the increase in popularity of Justin Bieber.


Mother Nature Upset Humans Have Been Ignoring Her

FORT SMITH, AR – Mother Nature held a press conference last week because the people of Earth “don’t seem to be picking up the hint.”


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