Qanon Revealed to be Mountain Dew Marketing Campaign

WASHINGTON, D.C. – In a shocking Post-Election revelation, the source of the mysterious Qanon conspiracy theory has been revealed to be the marketing team for the soft drink Mountain Dew.


Baby Yoda Apologizes for Past, Controversial Tweets

HOLLYWOOD, CA – Baby Yoda is facing backlash and condemnation for a serious of controversial tweets the actor made in 2014 regarding suspected sex offender Jeffrey Epstein.


Frustrated Trump Unable to Bring Long Stick into White House

WASHINGTON, D.C. – President Donald Trump has been stuck outside the White House for several hours as he tries to enter the building carrying a long stick.


Attendees Deny Farting During Video Conference

RICHMOND, VA – None of the attendees on the weekly Dorchester International sales call have accepted responsibility for the audible fart heard during last week’s video conference call.


Local Woman Just Not Up for 2020

KANSAS CITY, MO – Local woman Sandra Gow says that she isn’t sure she is “up for 2020.”


700,00 Netflix Users Locked Out after Grandma Changes Password

PORTLAND, OR – Netflix users suffered a major blackout after a grandmother in Michigan changed her password, locking over 720,000 people out of Netflix.


White People Plan Protest to Regain Privilege

WASHINGTON, D.C. – Thousands of middle-aged white people have scheduled a protest next month in Washington, D.C. to bring focus to the diminishing value of their white privilege.


Experts Offer Up Ten Ways to be a Happier Person

DETROIT, MI – According to a recent report by the World Health Organization, most of the America’s population describes themselves as unhappy.


This Million Dollar Baby Fan Theory Changes Everything

LOS ANGELES, CA – The internet is abuzz with a new fan theory that will change the way you see the classic film Million Dollar Baby.


Man Sues for Invitation to 12-Year-Old Girl’s Sleepover

OMAHA, NB – Local man Dean Waters, 27, is suing 10-year-old Lara Schriber for gender discrimination because Waters was not invited to Schriber’s “girls only” sleepover.


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