Published March 2016
MANCHESTER, NH –William “Dow” Jones announced that he is coming out of a month’s long depression and plans to “get really, really high” soon.
Published August 2015
TEHRAN, IRAN – The leaders of Iran have told US representatives that the snickers and smirks made by Iran officials during the signing of the nuclear agreement are part of an Iranian custom and not an indication that Iran will not adhere to the agreement.
“No, no, no. The smirk and… giggles as you call them, they were not made because we have no intention of meeting any of these agreements,” said Iran Nuclear Delegate, Masoud Fehrmanni.
Published July 2015
LOS ANGELES – As the drought in California worsens, residents have begun modifying their cars by adding armor plating, skulls and various other decorations in preparation for the inevitable wars.
Climate scientists believe the lack of rain and shortage of water may result in wars fought by gangs with armored vehicles and guitars that shoot fire as seen in the recent documentary film, “Mad Max: Fury Road.”
Published April 2013
DALLAS, TX – The man behind a popular Conservative news blog has announced he has proof that President Barack Obama is planning to “blow up” Heaven.
Published January 2013
SEATTLE, WA – Spokespeople for Microsoft have begun telling customers that the United States government will soon prohibit the sales of Microsoft Windows phones so customers should stock up on the phones now, while they are still available.
“The government is gonna come in to our homes and take away our Microsoft Windows phones!” said Microsoft employee Racheal Gregor.
Published February 2011
CHICAGO, MD – A recent survey conducted by the University of Chicago School of Sociology shows that almost 100% of Americans are 100% sure all that everything “bad” is everyone else’s fault.
The survey was conducted late last month and included responses from more than one million Americans.
Published July 2009
TEHRAN, IRAN – In an effort to improve its image with the rest of the global community, Iran has announced plans to make several modifications to its current government policies.
Published November 2008
WASHINGTON, D.C. – In another bailout request, Santa Claus appeared before Congress this week asking for $45 billion in order to continue operations and ensure “Christmas happens as it should.”
Published July 2008
DES MOINES, IA – During a speech given to local farm workers, Republican Presidential Nominee John McCain laid out his plan for combating rising fuel costs. The main focus of McCain’s plan is to create more fossil fuels by burying various forms of organic material and waiting “til the magic happens.”
Published May 2006
WASHINGTON, D.C. – President Bush admitted in a press conference today that some of the intelligence received previous to the Iraq war was incorrect. The source of the problem, he said, could be traced back to a typo. Instead of “Iraq,” a key document should have read “Iran.”