Restaurants to Server Half Eaten Meals to Children

LOS ANGELES, CA – Beginning this month, several prominent restaurant chains will begin serving children meals that come half-eaten.


Local Man's Friends Still Haven't Listened to His Podcast

AUSTIN, TX –Despite numerous reminders of its existence, friends of local man Cameron Gluick have still not listened to Gluick’spodcast.


Local Woman Just Not Up for 2020

KANSAS CITY, MO – Local woman Sandra Gow says that she isn’t sure she is “up for 2020.”


Christ Apologizes for Meek Inheriting Earth Tweet

WILMINGTON, NC – Jesus Christ has apologized for a controversial tweet he made last month after an intense online backlash.


Trump Approves New War on Christmas Monument

WASHINGTON, D.C. – President Donald Trump has approved the commission and construction of a new national monument to honor the lives lost in the War on Christmas.


Employees Agree HR Guy is Creepy

CHICAGO, IL – During a team building exercise it was discovered that almost every employee of Vrenti Solutions is creeped out by the Human Resources specialist Ben Skokli.


Woman Colludes with Russians to Ruin Ex-Boyfriends Birthday

CONWAY, AR – A local woman has been arrested for allegedly conspiring with Russian agents to ruin her ex-boyfriend’s birthday.


Trump Signs Order to Keep Donuts Whole

WASHINGTON, D.C. – A new Executive Order has been signed by President Trump making it illegal for businesses to sell donuts with holes in the middle.
“We are getting ripped off with our donuts. We always have been. It’s Obama’s fault. And Crooked Hillary. And also the fake news media,” said Trump.

Trump Finishes Coloring American Flag Picture

WASHINGTON, DC – After working on it for a year and a half, President Donald Trump has finished coloring the first page of his Presidential Coloring book.


Black Man in TV Commercial Results in 270 Calls to 911

NASHVILLE, TN – The appearance of a black man in a television commercial frightened white viewers and resulted in more than 270 calls to police.


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