Jesus Christ Distancing Himself From Tim Tebow

NEW YORK, NY – As Tim Tebow’s NFL career looks to be in jeopardy, one time fan Jesus Christ has begun distancing himself from the football player.


Jesus Sues Mormons Over Name

SALT LAKE CITY, UT – Jesus Christ revealed earlier this week his intentions of pursuing legal action against the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints for illegal use of his name and image. Although speculation has been rampant for months, Christ made the decision public during a benefit for St. Luke’s Memorial Hospital Children’s Burn Ward.


Jesus Christ Breaks Record

CINCINNATI, OH – The Cincinnati Bengals’ first victory of the 2000-2001 NFL season also marked a bigger occasion. With the win, Jesus Christ became the world’s all time winningest deity. Until the final whistle of the game, Christ had been tied with the Greek God Zeus for most career sporting event wins.


Image of Jesus Christ Seen in Painting of Jesus Christ

SANTA FE, NM – Christians are flocking to Santa Fe, to see what some are saying is the image of Jesus Christ that has appeared in a painting of Jesus Christ.


Jesus Loses Series For Giants

LOS ANGELES, CA – Shortly after game seven of the 2002 World Series ended, Jesus Christ made it official; he hates the San Francisco Giants. Despite prayers and sacrifices by both players and fans, Christ punished the Giants and was the cause of their failure to beat cross state rivals the Anaheim Angles.


McCain Rejects Controversial Christ's Endorsement

SEDONA, AZ – Only a few weeks after rejecting the endorsement of two controversial preachers, John McCain has announced that he has rejected yet another endorsement from a religious leader. In a public statement, McCain has denounced any connection to Jesus Christ.


Christ Still Waiting for Birthday Call from His Father

RENO, NV – For the 1,093rd year in a row Jesus Christ has not received a birthday gift or a call on his birthday from his father.


Jesus Christ Postpones Second Coming For 11th Time

LONDON, ENGLAND – Jesus Christ, religious figurehead for millions, will not be returning to Earth this month as was previously scheduled. This latest announcement marks the 11th time Christ has postponed his return to Earth in the past 200 years.


Bush Nominates Jesus Christ For Seat On Supreme Court

WASHINGTON, D.C. – President George W. Bush announced his nomination for Sandra Day O’Connor’s replacement on the United States Supreme Court during a press conference late last week. Bush’s selection, Jesus H. Christ, is a popular nomination among conservatives but the nomination will likely come under fire from Democrats.


Confirmed: Jesus Christ Converts To Scientology

LOS ANGELES, CA – Friends and family of Jesus Christ are confirming recent internet reports that the Christian icon has converted to Scientology. The shift in religious philosophy has come as a shock to Christians all over the world.


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