Published November 2015
SAN JOSE, CA – Local Jewish boy James Kirkwood has been struggling to explain to his Christian friends why Hanukkah is better than Christmas.
Published December 2013
AUSTIN, TX – Local man Justin Neeley will not stop talking about the television show “Doctor Who” despite the fact his friends and family are no longer willing to listen to him.
Published November 2013
QUEENS, NY – Local 11-year-old Christian, Bradly Mickleson, wishes he was Jewish so he could celebrate Hanukah and receive gifts for eight consecutive days.
Published December 2012
FAIRFAX, VA – After receiving tremendous backlash to its response to the Sandy Hook Elementary School shooting late last year, the National Rifle Association has released a new response suggesting that each school in the country should deploy robotic sentry guards.
“We realize that our comments after the Sandy Hook tragedy were not very popular and made (the NRA) look like horrible monsters but that’s not who the NRA is. The NRA cares about guns and people. Not just guns. But mostly guns.”
Published July 2011
WASHINGTON, D.C. – As the Republicans begins picking their Presidential candidate, one person is very rapidly becoming the front-runner: the Roman god of wealth.
Published November 2009
WASHINGTON, D.C. – Five years ago the world became embroiled in a new war, one that has divided the world, especially the United States, along religious lines. That war is the War Against Christmas.
The war started simply enough – with one person trying to be considerate and another being a complete and total asshole.
Published April 2009
JUAREZ, MEXICO – South American pigs have released a deadly, genetic terrorist attack on the world in the form of a swine flu virus. To date, over 150 people have died from the attack and another several thousand have contracted the disease.
Shortly after reports of the attack began to appear, the leader of the Animalism Swine Liberation Force released a video taking credit for the attack.
Published January 2009
SALT LAKE CITY, UT – An eight-year-old girl has been arrested and charged with criminal mischief after presiding over the marriage of a male doll, Jonas, and a small, stuffed unicorn she named Beebee.
The girl, Cassie Weinrich, held the ceremony last month in her bedroom. While no other humans attended the wedding, authorities were called when Weinrich introduced the recently married couple to her elementary school teacher.
Published August 2003
PORTLAND, OR – After winning a recent Powerball Lottery drawing worth nearly 300 million dollars, Jesus Christ has decided to give nearly two-thirds of the money away. The money will be given away as part of an essay contest held between the different Christian denominations.
Published November 2001
NEW YORK, NY – Years of debate and protest came to an end Saturday as Jewish leaders announced they have decided to extend the Hanukkah holiday by 30 days.