Publisher to Release "Hip-Hop" Bible

GREENSVILLE, KY – In an effort to appeal to the so called “Hip-Hop” generation, New Christian Publishing has announced plans to release a new, hip-hop inspired version of the Bible.


Minecraft Players Can Win Chance to Work in Real Mine

SAN LEANARDO, CA – Hoping to bring in new players, Microsoft, the company behind the popular Minecraft game are offering a promotion where Minecraft players can win the opportunity to work in an actual mine.


New Abstinence Program Becoming Popular Among Teens, Parents

CHARLSETON, NC – All over the country, many schools and parent groups are turning to a new form of sex education called Abstinence in Hand. The program, which was developed by a Parent Teacher Organization group in Cleveland, Ohio stresses that the only way for a teenager to become fully abstinent is to masturbate at least five times a day.


Lyft Driver Almost Done with Documentary Film

PORTLAND, OR -Lyft driver, John Gonzalez, says he is close to finishing his documentary.


With One “Nice” Kid, Santa Annouces Retirement

NORTH POLE – After a year in which there was only one “nice” child, Santa Claus says he will officially retire from delivering toys to children on Christmas Eve.


High School Coach Dislikes Kid for No Reason

PARKER, CO – Local high school football coach doesn’t like high school athlete Kyle McDavid for no apparent reason.


University Breaks Virginity Loss Record

TEMPE, AZ – In a single day, the record for lost virginity in a 24 hour period was shattered at Arizona State University.


Group Wants Parents to Stop Encouraging Kids

MOBILE, AL – In an effort to ensure kids grow up to become successful and that comedy remains funny, parents have been asked to stop telling their children that they are funny.

During a conference aimed at reducing the amount of unfunny and unsuccessful teenagers, the American Society for Child Development, the Comedy Writers Guild of America and the American Association of Psychologists agreed children should not be told they are funny by their parents.


Local Kid Struggles to Explain Why Hanukkah is “Cool”

SAN JOSE, CA – Local Jewish boy James Kirkwood has been struggling to explain to his Christian friends why Hanukkah is better than Christmas.


Boy Scouts Retire Two Difficult Merit Badges

IRVING, TEXAS – The Boy Scouts of America have retired two merit badges the organization has deemed “impossible to obtain.” The badges to be removed from availability are the Talking to Girls and Popular merit badges.


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