Published February 2010
FAYETTEVILLE, AR – University of Arkansas English Professor Oliver Mueller has officially given up on correcting the English his student use in his classroom.
Published April 2015
IQALUIT, Canada – Inuit people, also known as Eskimos, have more than more than 50 words to describe snow but thanks to rising temperatures and they have been working to create 50 words to describe heat.
“We never needed a word for the not cold because it doesn’t get not cold here. We have words for fire and cooking and what you feel when you rub a penis and vagina together, but we had nothing for the concept of not cold as related to weather,” said Inuit Elder Ma’hai Kunik.
Published March 2007
ATLANTA, GA – In what many are calling “a gathering of the greatest minds of today,” several well known rappers have been gathered in hopes of establishing a new vocabulary, and more importantly a new set of slang.
Published June 2001
CASPER, WY – In a discovery that will undoubtedly set the anthropological world on its proverbial ear, researchers from the University of Wyoming have uncovered proof that English, particularly American English, has been the dominant language in most of the world, throughout history.
Published February 2017
WASHINGTON, DC – One of Donald Trump’s first actions as President of the United States was sign an Executive Order reducing the total number of words in the English language to 150.
“Trump is a dumb, dumb person and as such he does not know very many words,” said White House Press Secretary, Sean Spicer.
Published March 2007
DETROIT, MI – To increase subscribers, the driver assistance system OnStar will be unveiling several new features aimed at easing the life of drivers world wide. One of the first new systems to be implemented will be a service to help drivers identify good, out-of-the-way places to bury dead bodies.
Published September 2000
BANGOR, ME – During a press conference sponsored by the Society for Furthering Language Studies, board members announced the popular saying “Wassup?” will be retired into the Catch Phrase Hall of Fame on October 28.
Published October 2002
WASHINGTON, D.C. – During a press conference about the recent sniper shootings in Washington, D.C., President George W. Bush made a stern, stoic facial expression to convey the severity of the situation. The expression came just after Bush made the statement “These shootings are a very serious and deinferring matter.”
Published March 2004
DUBLIN, IRELAND – In a surprise announcement made last week in Dublin, the leaders of both Scotland and Ireland said the two countries would be uniting under a single ruler within the next two months. Mary McAleese, President of Ireland said the decision to combine the two countries was “an easy one to make and one that just made sense.”
Published December 2016
UPLAND, CA -In what doctors are reporting as a medical breakthrough, 15-year-old Rachelle Bremerton has said a complete sentence for the first time in three years.