Published May 2009
WASHINGTON, D.C. – In an effort to stop the increase of states allowing gay marriage, senior Republican Senators and Christian leaders have adopted a new tactic.
Published January 2009
SALT LAKE CITY, UT – An eight-year-old girl has been arrested and charged with criminal mischief after presiding over the marriage of a male doll, Jonas, and a small, stuffed unicorn she named Beebee.
The girl, Cassie Weinrich, held the ceremony last month in her bedroom. While no other humans attended the wedding, authorities were called when Weinrich introduced the recently married couple to her elementary school teacher.
Published January 2005
FLAGSTAFF, AZ – Online dating services can be a great way for the hopeless to find love. But how about an online video game? Flagstaff man Ben “Corky” Mandrake, a player of the popular online role-playing game Dungeons of Fantasy, became the first player in the game’s history to actually marry another player – within the game.
Published July 2000
BILLINGSTON, VT – A controversial new law was exercised for the first time late last week as the first Klingon-Human marriage was performed in Billingston, VT. The union between Eric Stepford and Kraftuk Rrralmularshiii marks the end a five-year struggle that will finally allow those of mixed species to be joined together in Holy Matrimony.
Published January 2007
WASHINGTON, D.C. – What Republicans across the nation feared has come to pass as the new Democrat controlled Congress unleashed its gay loving, tree hugging, god hating, anti-American agenda on the American public.
Published October 2012
NEW YORK CITY, NY – Last month the Fox News channel interrupted a series of lies and conjecture to report actual, opinion-free news.
As hurricane Sandy hit the east coast late last month, Fox News broadcaster Jonathan Hunt interrupted a news story about the Obama Administrations plan to destroy the Christian church with real, honest, opinion-free news about the hurricane’s affect on cities.
Published January 2012
COLUMBIA, SC – A group of sociologists based out of the University of South Carolina have proved, with very large numbers, that women do not, in fact, dig scars.
Published December 2000
HIGHLANDS RANCH, CO – For the fifth year in a row, Jim and Rhonda Barber compiled a list of New Year’s Resolutions which, despite the couple’s best efforts, will most likely not be kept. The ritual, performed December 31, has been carried out by the couple every year since their marriage in 1993 and no resolutions have ever lasted the entire year.
Published July 1999
BOSTON, MA – It seems that when tragedy strikes, it usually hits the way the Mob does, slow and painful, like a gun shot up the rectum. This week, the nation mourns the death of yet another Kennedy family member. Milton C. Winestien-Kennedy has died at the age of 48. A wife, Bunny Winestien-Kennedy, and two children, son Harvey and daughter Allia survive him.
Published March 2002
VATICAN CITY, ROME – Vatican officials announced Thursday that the Catholic Church would now recognize “free days” included in the observation of Lent. A “free day” is defined by the Catholic Church as a single designated day where the rules and beliefs behind Lent are put aside allowing Catholics to take a break from their lent sacrifice.