Biden Removes Mask at Inauguration to Reveal Hillary Clinton

WASHINGTON, D.C. – President Joe Biden stunned the nation during last month’s inauguration ceremony by removing a mask revealing that Hillary Clinton had been disguised as Biden during the election.


Beth Sinclair: COVID-19 Thanksgiving Tips

Hello, hello, HELLOOOOOOOO! Oh. My. GOD. It has been forever! It is I, your bestest friend in all of the deep, dark web – Beth Sinclair!


Trump Wears Mask after Staff Insist It’s Made from Porn Star’s Used Underwear

WASHINGTON, D.C. – In order to persuade President Trump to wear a mask, White House officials told the president his masks are made from used underwear previously worn by porn stars.


Nike Releases New Air Pump Face Mask

PORTLAND, OR – As several states now require people to wear masks to slow the spread of COVID-19, Nike is set to release a new Nike Air Face Mask that will utilize air pump technology to contour the mask to the wearer’s face.


Dutch Oven Victim Identifies with Chemical Weapon Victims

Jaime Wingham immediately felt a kinship to all the people in Syria who were affected by the attacks. Wingman has admitted that for years she has been the victim of chemical attacks in the form of Dutch Ovens.


FEMA Wants All Trees Removed From Calif. To Reduce Fire Risk

SACRAMENTO, CA – After deadly wildfires wreaked havoc in Southern California, Governor Arnold Schwarzenegger in conjunction with the Federal Emergency Management Agency, FEMA, unveiled a plan to stop current fires and eliminate the possibility of future fires. The main focus of the plan is to “remove anything that burns” from the California landscape.


Sodomy Legal: Nation Celebrates

WASHINGTON, D.C. – On the last day of session last month, the United States Supreme Court ruled against laws restricting sodomy, or as it is more commonly known, butt fucking, causing wide celebrations across the country. Mile long parades and all night parties were held in San Francisco, Miami and Salt Lake City to celebrate the courts decision.


Man Decides To Get Serious About "Chicks"

BOSTON, MA – After years of playing games and “messing around,” Gary Stipple has decided to get serious about relationships with members of the opposite sex. The decision was said to be a long and arduous one, with Stipple only coming to his decision after a long talk with his mother.


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