Americans Now Allowed to Print Own Money

WASHINGTON, D.C. – With the current economic crisis causing fears of a depression, Congress approved President Bush’s economic incentive plan that will allow American citizens the ability to print their own money.


U.S. Treasury To Sell Ad Space On Money, Flag

WASHINGTON, DC – In order to help alleviate the National debt and pay for the wars in Iraq and Afghanistan, President Bush has singed a law allowing for advertising space to be made available on U.S. currency and on the U.S. flag.


Bush Offers Alternative Social Security Plan: Bet It All On Black

WASHINGTON, D.C. – With the debate about the future of Social Security reaching a boiling point, President Bush announced a new plan late last week that was immediately accepted by both parties.


No country For Old Men Confuses Elderly Couple

FLAGSTAFF, AZ – Upon leaving a screening of the Oscar winning movie No Country for Old Men, Jim Benjamin and his wife Martha, both 65, announced that they had no idea what the movie was about.


Tourists Disappointed By Native American Casino

PHOENIX, AZ – While driving to Phoenix from The Grand Canyon, Mississippi residents Harold Studamaker and his wife Jean stopped at the Native American owned Cliff Castle Casino for some fun and gambling, but left with only disappointment and confusion.


Jesus Holds Essay Contest To Split Powerball Winnings

PORTLAND, OR – After winning a recent Powerball Lottery drawing worth nearly 300 million dollars, Jesus Christ has decided to give nearly two-thirds of the money away. The money will be given away as part of an essay contest held between the different Christian denominations.


Roman God of Wealth Eyeing GOP Nomination

WASHINGTON, D.C. – As the Republicans begins picking their Presidential candidate, one person is very rapidly becoming the front-runner: the Roman god of wealth.


Grandmother Still Waiting for Chainletter to Pay Off

OMAHA, NE – Local grand mother, Cheryl Gilchrist, has been patiently waiting the riches promised in a chain letter she sent to 10 friends 25 years ago.


Telethon Raises No Money For Charity

LAS VEGAS, NV – A recent telethon has gone down in the record books as the worst telethon in the history of televised money drives. The telethon, benefiting the Don Ot Center for Lupus Research did not bring in a single penny during the two day telethon.


Abe Lincoln Look-Alike Baby Put Up For Auction On eBay

REDWOOD, CA – In an effort to cash in on some publicity and make a little money, Wanda and Dave Roman have decided to put their baby, little Dave Jr., up for auction on the website eBay. The baby, which bears a resemblance to former President Abraham Lincoln, has a starting bid of five dollars.


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