This year's Super Bowl Halftime show will feature white people wandering around the field doing whatever they want to do.

Super Bowl Halftime Event to Feature White People Doing Whatever They Want

TAMPA, FL – The National Football League (NFL) announced the theme for this year’s Super Bowl halftime show will be “America” and will feature a large number of white people wandering around “doing whatever they want to do.”


Bill Gates says people should focus on the good aspects of being implanted with a microchip rather than worrying about the presence of a microchip.

Gates Suggests People Focus on Positive Impacts to Possible Microchips in COVID Vaccines

MILWAUKEE, WI – Bill Gates addressed the conspiracy theories about the presence of microchips in COVID-19 vaccines by saying people are missing the positive aspects of the hypothetical implanted microchips.


Nike Releases New Air Pump Face Mask

PORTLAND, OR – As several states now require people to wear masks to slow the spread of COVID-19, Nike is set to release a new Nike Air Face Mask that will utilize air pump technology to contour the mask to the wearer’s face.


Hell Offering Incentives to Social Media Influencers

HELL – In an effort to increase its public perception, Hell has begun offering social media influencers incentives for promoting Hell.


Experts Offer Up Ten Ways to be a Happier Person

DETROIT, MI – According to a recent report by the World Health Organization, most of the America’s population describes themselves as unhappy.


Woman Colludes with Russians to Ruin Ex-Boyfriends Birthday

CONWAY, AR – A local woman has been arrested for allegedly conspiring with Russian agents to ruin her ex-boyfriend’s birthday.


Americans Moving to Areas Likely Targeted During Nuclear War

SAN FRANCISCO, CA – According to recent census data, Americans are flocking to large cities, specifically ones that are likely targets during a nuclear attack.
“Since the 2016 election, we’ve seen a sharp increase in people moving to cities that would be targeted first in a nuclear attack,” said U.S. Census Bureau representative, Kelly Zhou. “Cities like Los Angeles, New York, Washington D.C., Seattle - those cities are seeing a huge influx of people hoping to die right away when we end up in a nuclear war."

Trump Staring at Paused TV for Over Three Hours

WASHINGTON, DC – President Donald Trump has been sitting in bed, starring at a paused image of the television show “Fox and Friends” for three hours, waiting for the program to continue.
“(Trump) has no idea that the TV is paused. He’s just sitting there watching it, waiting for the people to continue talking,” said head of Trump’s Secret Service detail, Ken Posher. “God, it’s been over three hours now and Trump is just sitting there, in his bed, with his fucking hamburgers, starring at his TV that is paused. Three fucking hours now. Every day we are reminded that Trump is a dumb, dumb man. Historically dumb.”

Pants Designed to be Unzipped, Pee Stained Hit Stores

NEW YORK, NY – A new line of pants will be hitting stores later this month that will appeal to a large group of males from all walks of life.


PTA President Denies Russian Interference in Election

ANN ARBOR, MI – The president of the Ann Arbor School District Parent Teacher Association is denying allegations that Russia influenced recent PTA elections.


Back to Top