80's Commercial Star The Noid Headed For Rehab - Again

BILLINGS, MT – For the third time in six years, the Domino’s Noid is entering a drug and alcohol rehabilitation facility. This latest attempt at sobriety comes as a court order from last year’s cocaine induced altercation with Montana police.


White House Lays Out President Approval Rating System

WASHINGTON D.C – With President Bush’s approval rating at an all time low, the White House unveiled a new method for acquiring the approval rating during a press conference earlier this week.


NRA Releases New Plan for School Safety

FAIRFAX, VA – After receiving tremendous backlash to its response to the Sandy Hook Elementary School shooting late last year, the National Rifle Association has released a new response suggesting that each school in the country should deploy robotic sentry guards.

“We realize that our comments after the Sandy Hook tragedy were not very popular and made (the NRA) look like horrible monsters but that’s not who the NRA is. The NRA cares about guns and people. Not just guns. But mostly guns.”


GOP Candidate OK Abortions For Hispanics

WASHINGTON, DC – Facing stiff competition from Democrats and declining support, many Republican candidates have begun restructuring their platforms and in some cases, straying from conservative support, if only slightly. The biggest change comes in the form of several Republican Presidential candidates now supporting abortion – but only for Hispanics.


Arizona Will Open Camps to Sort Illegal, Legal Hispanics

GLENDALE, AZ – The state legislature of Arizona has authorized opening several camps where officials will be able to distinguish which Hispanic-looking people are here illegally.


Scoop News’ Guide to 2013’s Hottest Toys

NEW YORK CITY – The holiday season is here and parents will soon begin looking for the perfect toys for their children.

As it has done for the past 30 years, The Scoop News has interviewed several toy industry insiders and has compiled a list of toys that are expected to be some of this year’s hottest sellers.


NRA Members, Anti-gun Protestors Yell Words

ATLANTA, GA – Just days after a mass shooting in a Louisiana movie theater, anti-gun advocates and the NRA faced off in another round of debates about gun control.


Trump Wants to Meet General Tso about Chicken

WASHINGTON, D.C. – President Donald Trump has sent an official request to the Chinese government asking for a meeting with General Tso to discuss the General’s chicken.

“I told China, let me talk to this General Tso guy. I want to talk to him about his chicken. It’s very good chicken and I’d like to talk to him. That’s what I told China. I’m very good at telling China things,” said Trump.


Trump Still Waiting for Stairs to Start Moving

WASHINGTON, D.C. – President Donald Trump has been standing at the bottom of a staircase in the White House waiting for the stairs to start moving thinking the staircase is an escalator.

“Right now we can confirm that the President is standing at the bottom of a staircase in the east wing of the White House waiting for the staircase to turn in to an escalator and carry him to the second floor,” said White House Fellow, Ken Destrost.


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