Trump picks his nose, attempting to remove boogers, during a meeting in the Oval Office.

Cleaning Crew Called to Clear Trump’s Boogers from Desk

WASHINGTON, D.C. – A specialized cleaning crew has been called in to the Oval Office after White House staff discovered a large number of boogers that President Trump had smeared underneath the Resolute desk.


President Donald Trump has had his hand stuck in a jar for more than two days.

Trump Gets Hand Stuck in Candy Jar

WASHINGTON, D.C. – President Donald Trump has had his hand stuck in a candy jar for over two days but he is refusing help and refusing to acknowledge that his hand is stuck.


President Trump announced that he has nearly completed a two-by-two Sudoku puzzle after several months.

Trump Says He is Close to Finishing Sudoku Puzzle

WASHINGTON, D.C. – After several months of working on the same Sudoku puzzle, President Trump stated that he is close to finishing the two-by-two puzzle.


White people from across the country plan on gathering in Washington, D.C. to protest the decline in their white privilege.

White People Plan Protest to Regain Privilege

WASHINGTON, D.C. – Thousands of middle-aged white people have scheduled a protest next month in Washington, D.C. to bring focus to the diminishing value of their white privilege.


Artist’s rendering of the new War on Christmas monument featuring a white, Christian male yelling “Merry Christmas” at non-Christians.

Trump Approves New War on Christmas Monument

WASHINGTON, D.C. – President Donald Trump has approved the commission and construction of a new national monument to honor the lives lost in the War on Christmas.


President Trump has signed an order to ensure all donuts do not have a whole.

Trump Signs Order to Keep Donuts Whole

WASHINGTON, D.C. – A new Executive Order has been signed by President Trump making it illegal for businesses to sell donuts with holes in the middle.
“We are getting ripped off with our donuts. We always have been. It’s Obama’s fault. And Crooked Hillary. And also the fake news media,” said Trump.


President Donald Trump said we will reach out to Mordor in hopes of scheduling diplomatic talks.

Trump Scheduling Diplomatic Talks with Modor

WASHINGTON, DC – During a joint press conference with the President of Argentina, Mauricio Macri, President Trump said he would like to open negotiations with the fictional country of Mordor.
Although Mordor is a fictional land from the popular book series Lord of the Rings, Trump said that he would be reaching out to the country’s leader to set up some “face-to-face time.”


Trump recently finished coloring a picture of the flag of the United States of America.

Trump Finishes Coloring American Flag Picture

WASHINGTON, DC – After working on it for a year and a half, President Donald Trump has finished coloring the first page of his Presidential Coloring book.


After being confused for decades, President Trump has officially changed Link's name to Zelda in the popular video game series The Legend of Zelda.

Trump Signs Executive Order Changing Link’s Name to Zelda

WASHINGTON, DC – President Donald Trump signed an executive order this week renaming the central character in The Legends of Zelda video game.


According to a recent report by the EPA, renewable energy such as wind and solar power cause over 100,000 illnesses.

EPA: Renewable Energy Causes 104,412 Illnesses

WASHINGTON, D.C. – The Environmental Protection Agency has released a new study that concludes renewable energy, specifically solar and wind generated power, can cause up to 104,412 illnesses.
“(The EPA) just published a ground breaking report that clearly shows that the renewable energy that the Democrats have been pushing on us for so long is actually the cause of almost every illness that’s out there,” said EPA spokesman Frank Servees.

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