Old Man Winter exposes himself to a woman outside of Helsinki.

Odd Weather Has Old Man Winter’s Friends and Family Concerned He May be Using Drugs

WINTERLAND – Old Man Winter’s family and friends are concerned that his recent erratic behavior may be due to cognitive decline or drug abuse.


Winston (above) and Joshua Castellino have not been invited to a party or family event in over a year.

Local Ventriloquist No Longer Invited to Parties

LAKEWOOD, CO – Local ventriloquist, Joshua Castellino, is no longer invited to parties due to refusal to leave his dummy, Winston, at home.


Qanon Revealed to be Mountain Dew Marketing Campaign

WASHINGTON, D.C. – In a shocking Post-Election revelation, the source of the mysterious Qanon conspiracy theory has been revealed to be the marketing team for the soft drink Mountain Dew.


President Trump has locked himself in a White House bunker after screaming that he has seen a ghost.

Trump Refuses to Come Out of Bunker After Seeing Ghost

WASHINGTON, D.C. – According to multiple sources within the White House, President Trump has been hiding in a bunker since Halloween after he reported seeing “a ghost.”


Baby Yoda Apologizes for Past, Controversial Tweets

HOLLYWOOD, CA – Baby Yoda is facing backlash and condemnation for a serious of controversial tweets the actor made in 2014 regarding suspected sex offender Jeffrey Epstein.


The Democratic National Committee is struggling to convince voters to vote for a DNC-backed candidate instead of the candidate that the voters actually prefer.

DNC Brainstorming Ideas to Get Voters to Pick DNC-Backed Candidate

WASHINGTON, D.C. – The Democratic National Committee (DNC) leaders are scheduling urgent meetings to discuss how to get people to vote for candidates that the DNC wants them to vote for in the upcoming primaries instead of the candidates that the voter’s actually prefer.


Thinking England does not have gasoline, President Trump says he will export gasoline to England as “they only have petrol.”

Unaware Petrol is Gasoline Trump Plans to Export Gas to England

WASHINGTON, D.C. – Fresh from a visit to London, President Donald Trump made the surprise announcement that the United States will export gasoline to England as he was made aware England uses petrol rather than gasoline.


Nice Gift at White Elephant Exchange Ruins Party

MEMPHIS, TN – An office Christmas party was ruined when an employee brought an expensive bottle of wine to a white elephant gift exchange.


Woman Colludes with Russians to Ruin Ex-Boyfriends Birthday

CONWAY, AR – A local woman has been arrested for allegedly conspiring with Russian agents to ruin her ex-boyfriend’s birthday.


President Trump has signed an order to ensure all donuts do not have a whole.

Trump Signs Order to Keep Donuts Whole

WASHINGTON, D.C. – A new Executive Order has been signed by President Trump making it illegal for businesses to sell donuts with holes in the middle.
“We are getting ripped off with our donuts. We always have been. It’s Obama’s fault. And Crooked Hillary. And also the fake news media,” said Trump.


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